in the late eighties, president ronald reagan proclaimed the month of october as national pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. in the mid-2000s, october 15th became pregnancy and infant loss remembrance day. if you've experience this type of loss, you don't need a day to be reminded of such a thing. the loss is forever woven into my life, and i will never, ever forget.
three months later, there are still little reminders of our baby. we would have found out the gender of our baby this month. i found my maternity leggings while i was unpacking last month. knowing my arms will be empty come next spring. and several other reminders that come out of nowhere and sting all over again. i assumed they would fade over time, but i know now that i will always carry it with me.
when i'm ready, i will give our baby a name. not for closure- that will never happen- but because there was a life growing inside of me, if only for nine weeks. naming the baby acknowledges that short life. and though that life never lived outside of my womb, it was still a life.
i remember growing up and knowing that my mom had experienced a miscarriage before she had my brother + i. her loss, that pain - it never truly became real until the moment i called her to tell her that i had miscarried my own baby. she wept with me over the phone and told me how it brought up the painful memory all over again. it's something she's carried with her for over three decades. i know i will, too.
the only comfort in this process has been Jesus. He will be the only comfort going forward. if you have experienced a loss, know that you are not alone. the Great Comforter is holding you in His arms. He provides peace that surpasses all understanding.
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