Saturday, August 31, 2019

thirty two things in year thirty two.




1.  no matter what tomorrow brings, whether heartache or happiness, Jesus is still better.

2.  i took lots of photos of flowers. no one is surprised by this. not in the least.

3.  we lost our second + third babies via miscarriage.

4.  one of my favorite memories from this year will be us going into applebee's to eat dinner and realizing we were in wrong restaurant AFTER we got our menus. still so dang funny.

5.  i learned that motherhood is hard, but hard doesn't mean something is wrong; it's just hard.

6.  my faith was rocked. (see #3). there are questions i never thought i would ask God. but healing is happening. i have been a believer for over a decade, but when i had my third miscarriage, everything i thought knew came into question. i never once questioned if He is real or anything along those lines. but i had an awakening. despite the incredibly difficult circumstances, there has been good come from it.

7.  when i'm having a crappy day (or even a great one) - i make a list of what i'm grateful for. whether it's big or small, naming the good forces me to look outside of my circumstances and if i'm being honest, away from my self-centeredness.

8.  i left my job at the accounting office. i never, ever thought it would happen. after some unfortunate happenings, i knew i wouldn't be there long term. then a position opened up at a local credit union, and i knew it was time to move on. i have really enjoyed my new job. great people, great company.

9.  our childcare changed a couple times this year, and i was always so worried how it was all going to work out. but God answered every single time, usually before i had a chance to ask.

10.  i learned to check the weather before driving to oklahoma. i got caught in a severe thunderstorm for three hours, and it was terrifying.

11.  i was featured on wichita life ICT.

12.  i learned that it's okay to not finish a book. and it's okay to only read books that i want to read, but just what's popular on bookstagram.

13.  jared + i celebrated four years of marriage.

14.  after jared's grandma died, we heard story after story of how she loved spending time with everyone. it made us all realize that family get-togethers matter to someone.

15.  i got to pet a penguin, and it was one of the highlights of my year for sure!

16.  i fell in love with cooking + baking. i'm definitely not a pro, but i enjoy finding new recipes.

17.  jared + i sometimes have "couch dates" where he plays video games + i read a book/blog/etc. this may not sound like much of a date, but we actually still have meaningful conversations. (we are having a couch date at i type this blog post!)

18.  we bought our home - officially! it has been fun (most of the time) making this space ours.

19.  veronica mars officially became my favorite tv show ever.

20.  i received my first summons for jury duty, but ended up not having to serve.

21.  we celebrated jackson's second birthday.

22.  lot of time was spent on the pergola that jared built.

23.  i learned that just because people are loud about stuff on social media doesn't mean that they are the majority. loud sometimes means you're just loud. that's it.

24.  after years of talking about it, i finally launched wichita collective on instagram. it has been so fun to connect with others in our community + support local businesses.

25.  communication is key, in any relationship - marriage, work, friendship, etc.

26.  essential oils are cool. i like using them. but that's as far as it goes for me.

27.  experienced some firsts:  gave jackson his first haircut. visited my first food truck + trader joe's.

28.  i love podcasts so much. i almost want to start one of my own. but i won't. but i wanna.

29.  i have successfully kept plants alive all year.

30.  it's okay to grieve. it's also okay to grieve while doing things i love. healing comes in many forms.

31.  learned/learning - "He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together." [colossians 1:17]

32.  Jesus is where the joy is.


Sunday, August 25, 2019

weekly musings // 01




-  i keep tossing around the idea of documenting each week on the blog. but then life gets in the way, and it doesn't happen. this is my attempt to at least try. yesterday i thought about making this space private, but i'm still not sure. it's not like i'm an influencer, guys. i also thought about switching to squarespace, but those are all lofty goals that i'm not sure will pan out very well.

-  we went out to dinner friday night to applebee's. as we walked into the restaurant, we were surprised at all the renovations they had done. when we sat down, we realized there were no renovations; we just weren't actually in applebee's! how we didn't realize it until we sat down continues to baffle us to laughter. we ended up staying, and it turned out to be a fun family date night.

-  we then went to a store called "at home". as i walked in, memories flooded me like crashing waves. i was overcome with tears because this store reminded me of one i used to shop at with my mom + g-ma called "garden ridge". we would frequent that store on our girls' shopping trips, and it was the sweetest reminder of those days.

-  i purchased a give me Jesus journal this week. i have wanted one for years. the last year of my life has been one of the hardest seasons i've walked through. as i was reading scripture (for the first time in a long while, admittedly), i came across isaiah 58:11. it speaks of a satisfied desire in scorched places, and my life - after three miscarriages in nine months - is a scorched place. but i know the Lord has been with me through it all, and in the afterglow of the embers, i see Him rebuilding my faith in a beautiful way.

-  i have been binging veronica mars, and it is officially my new favorite tv show.

-  i am working on a little fall to-do list this week. nothing extravagant. mostly things we would be doing regardless if i made a fancy list or not. taking jackson to the pumpkin patch is one of my favorite little adventures to do. i hope he loves it, but i also have very low expectations when it comes to his excitement level on everything. he's a kid, after all. he thinks walking around target instead of sitting in the cart is like being at disneyland.

-

Sunday, August 11, 2019

life lately.




it's been a minute since i've posted on this little corner of the internets. sitting down to write a blog post is basically not an option in this season of life. i mean- i suppose if i reeeeally wanted to blog, i could. but honestly, having an active toddler doesn't allow that. also- i'm binging veronica mars right now, so the free time i have after jackson goes to bed is solely dedicated to a tv show that brings me so much joy. (the clothes, the sass, all of it!)

jackson turned two a couple of months ago. that kid. he is all boy. he jumps on everything, loves trucks + dinosaurs, and would stay outside all day if he could.

i've had a stack of outgrown baby clothes sitting on a chair for months. every time i go through them, i get so emotional. i started going through everything in our home (for sanity reasons + for garage sale reasons). i sat on the floor and cried as i sorted the baby clothes because i honestly don't know if i should even keep them. what's the point? i don't know if we can actually have another baby, but jared has a lot more hope than i do, so he makes me keep it all. i agree, for now.

this month marks one year of finishing the renovation + moving into our home. i truly love it here. we have worked on so many projects in the last few months. once fall comes, we will start working on the landscaping. you know i will be planting all the blooms!

i sat down to write this post thinking i had a lot to say. but i guess i don't now that i'm here. i want to write a post of my favorite podcast episodes and one for my favorite links around the internet and one about my current favorites, so maybe i should go write one of those. i also have been throwing around the idea of starting up my weekly musings posts again. i liked those because it forced me to be very intentional about documenting my daily life. i can go days without doing anything creative, and that's no bueno. maybe it could be a 2020 goal.

2020 is basically tomorrow, right? once september get here, it's going to flyyyyyyyy. but i'm ready for fall.

ok- that's all i have to say for now. i can hear jackson causing chaos in the other room. story of my life!