Monday, July 2, 2018

jackson's first birthday party.










we celebrated jackson's first year over the weekend! since our home is being renovated, we hosted the party at moxie junction in maize. it's a coffee shop, which may sound strange for a one year old's birthday party, but here's my thinking: jackson didn't have any idea what was going on or where he was, so why not make it fun for those of us who are there? a coffee shop sounded like the perfect spot. everyone got free coffee + chatted thoughout the party, so it was a genius plan.

the party was wonderful, but no one told me how stressed i would be trying to get everything ready and entertaining everyone and how i would only be able to finally breathe + relax when i got home later that evening. haha! but it was still a great party with family + a few close friends.


JUNE TWENTY-EIGHTEEN.





▹  reading:  i finished the perfect mother a couple days ago. i give it a solid four stars.    

▹  watching:  season two of riverdale. judge me allll you want. i've already judged myself.

▹  listening:  what should i read next?  |  the popcast  |  in the dark     

▹  drinking: coffee + water. always + forever.

▹  planning:  our home renovation.  

▹  craving:  a chocolate milkshake.

▹  learning:  that social media can be loud + i don't have to be part of it just because everyone else is.

  enjoying:  evening walks. i'd rather not be sweating profusely, but i'll take it over winter any day.

▹  thinking:  about how crazy this season of our lives are. we are thankful in the middle of the chaos. 

▹  making me happy:  the joy of dogs when they're riding in a car with their heads hanging out of the window. pausing to marvel a stunning sunset. night swimming under the stars. black nail polish. baby giggles. ending the day with a good book. wildflowers.



JUNE RECAP



LESSONS:

-  motherhood is a big realization of all the things my parents did for me when i was a kid.

-  without fail- all the books i put on hold at the library come in at the same time. every. single. time.

this episode of annie f. downs' podcast changed me. it is so, so good.

-  i really wanted to quit jackson's monthly pictures at one point, but i'm really happy i stuck with it. 


 
HAPPENINGS:

-  we sold our house in park city.

camped in oklahoma for a few days to celebrate jared's birthday.

-  the renovation of our new (to us) home began. 

-  watched the hans solo movie. [3 stars]

-  my niece started a new blog! we are living with her + her family, so it's fun to talk about our blogs.

-  celebrated jackson's first birthday!




 

Friday, June 29, 2018

JACKSON TIMOTHY - YEAR ONE.




my sweet boy. giggly. already opinionated. curious. silly. always dancing to music. gives hugs. says mama, dada, nana, baba, hi, and isus (Jesus). you have filled our lives with joy + laughter since you made your entrance into this world on this day, one year ago.

it hasn't always been easy, but that season- it is a one of redemption + grace + Jesus. this journey is a testament to a God who knows + sees His children.

jackson is so loved by our people. i have been brought to tears several times when i think about how many people love our son. their faces light up at his smile. they scoop him into hugs + kisses + giggles.

happy birthday, jack-jack! you are immensely loved. 





Wednesday, June 13, 2018

life lately.



jared + i joked recently that there can never just be one thing going on in our lives at one time - only a minimum of twelve.

we listed our home on the market last month and received an offer less than 24 hours later. this time around, there was no stress because we knew this was a seller's market - big time. we officially closed on the house last week and celebrated with mexican food, obviously.

the home that we are buying will be available as early as next weekend! before we move in, there are three key renovations that must happen - new sheet rock throughout the entire home, new flooring, and re-configuring a couple rooms. i am super excited to start this process even though i know the stress it can bring. it's almost as though we have felt a little restless the past three years when it comes to making a house a home. we are ready to put some roots down + live close to family + be back in the city. (our previous house was only ten-fifteen minutes from everything, but it felt so much further).

i don't regret our park city home though. i look back at those months fondly, knowing that it was filled with redemption + grace + growth following jackson's birth. God's tenderness + kindness toward me in those months - especially at night when i was home alone with a newborn - are imprinted on my heart forever.

i've been very open about my struggles with my failed birth plan. as we approach jackson's first birthday (which i am in denial about hardcore), i can openly say that while it is easier to see birth stories online and not burst into tears, i still carry a bit of pain in my heart. i've debated whether or not to write about it because i don't want jackson to read it one day, and think that i regret anything about him specifically. it has nothing to do with him and everything to do with me - my attitude, the poison of comparison that plagued me for months, and putting God aside.

i don't think God "punished" me for trying to live life my way and will my plans into existence, but i firmly believe that he took the broken pieces and made it beautiful. dare i say - there's a smaaaaaalllll part of me that is thankful. i wonder if my birth plan had gone my way - what would my pride look like? would i wear "natural birth" like a badge of honor, snubbing my nose at mamas who didn't do the same? this experience humbled me immensely while increasing my empathy for all mamas. (even for the kardashians.) Lord knows ain't no hood like motherhood.

wow, i suppose i had a lot to say! and to think i was considering deleting wildbloom last week. i actually considered deleting everything online last week, but that notion has passed. i love social media as much as i hate it. i'm trying to be intentional about all of it. right now, it looks like less scrolling. taking more photos, but not feeling the need to share every single frame. not sharing just to share because i haven't posted in a while. following people who have something to say instead of something to sell. unfollowing the noise.

well, that's life lately - aka - blissful chaos.

Wednesday, May 16, 2018

CURRENTLY | MAY 2018




▹  reading:  red queen  +  anything & everything from jess connolly    

▹  watching:  i haven't been able to watch much tv lately. life is really full at the moment.

▹  listening:  the popcast  +  criminal  +  bethel's new music  

▹  drinking:  so. much. water.  +  the violet drink from starbucks.

▹  planning:  jackson's first birthday party. it's at a coffee shop!

▹  anticipating:  selling our home. it's been a wild ride, y'all.

▹  craving:  sushi, always + forever.

▹  learning:  that social media is great, but i have been cutting back so much lately.

  enjoying:  evening walks with jackson.   

▹  thinking:  how motherhood has changed me for the better in so many ways.

▹  making me happy: thunderstorms. happy dogs sticking their heads out car windows. coconut milk. watching jackson take his first steps! pastel sunsets. fresh strawberries + coconut whip. cake. finding my favorite sock that was missing for months. listening to worship music on my evening walks.




       

Monday, May 14, 2018

joyful magic.




yesterday was mother's day. i had these wonderful visions of how joyful + magical my first mother's day would be.

but instead, i let one little interaction with someone before church shape the entirety of my day. people walked up to me and cheerfully wished me a happy mother's day. it caught me off guard every single time. i'd surprisingly + awkwardly say oh, thank you. i was so caught up in that one conversation that i couldn't even remember that it was mother's day.

that's something i dislike about myself immensely. someone can say something thoughtless or do something hurtful, and i let it fester beneath the surface for far too long. it ruins my day, my mood, my attitude, and makes me not so fun to be around.

jared called me out on it when we were installing jackson's new car seat. he reminded me that the incident really didn't matter. i knew he was right. but i was trying to make everyone happy yesterday, and i put that burden on myself when i didn't have to.

you'd think that with the aftermath of jackson's birth that i would've learned to have low to zero expectations. alas- i'm constantly learning + re-learning these lessons in life. i think it's okay to have expectations, but it's not okay to hold them with a white-knuckled grip.

my first mother's day may not have been what i'd hoped for, but i woke up this morning today realization: i don't need one day to celebrate motherhood because i have bits + pieces of joyful magic every single day. like when i went into jackson's room to wake him up, he laid his head on my shoulder as we walked into the living room. or when i was taking him to the sitter's house, he kept saying DADADA with his cute little baby voice. or when he made his funny face at me as i left for work. or the dozens of tiny moments that melt my heart all the time. they add up to a lifetime of joy.


Monday, April 30, 2018

A MONTH IN REVIEW: april 2018.





MOMENTS + HAPPENINGS

+  i sat down to write this post, but i can't remember anything from this month. LOL. we moved! the house is almost ready to be put on the market. we have been living with my sister-in-law and her family for little over a week now, and it's so fun!

+  jackson turned ten months old!




LESSONS + REALIZATIONS

+  tax season is over! i will never complain about tax season because i went into this field knowing that it demands longer hours, but i am very happy it is ending. i enjoy the work i do, but there were a few things that happened last month that left me a little wounded. what i found so beautiful + comforting in those hurtful moments was that God was so close. He knew my pain + fears + everything in between and held me close. He brought to light some things i need to change on my end and gave me comfort that He will work all things for my good -- in His timing.