Sunday, January 13, 2019

THE WEEKLY: jan 7th - 13th.

  S N A P S H O T S  

-  beautiful sunrise.
-  i've successfully kept these plants alive.
-  powersheets.
-  he's so fly.

   M O M E N T S  +  H A P P E N I N G S     

-  jackson slept horribly on monday. he was awake from 1-4:30 am. but there was a moment that overshadowed all the lost sleep. i was laying on the couch, just hoping he'd eventually wear himself out. i asked him if he'd like to get on the couch and cuddle with mommy. he proceeded to climb up + get under the blanket with me. he fell asleep less than five minutes later. jared got up right after that to get ready for work, so i took jackson to bed with me, and we cuddled until it was time to get up. i may have only had three hours of sleep, but ironically it was worth it in some strange way. i also ended up taking the day of work, so that probably had something to do with it.

-  jared + i had a looooong discussion about what we want this year to look like financially. we made plans to get out of some debt we've accrued in our marriage. it's not substantial, but we are thinking about our future for once.

-  saturday was a rare lazy day at our home. we ventured out for an early dinner at texas roadhouse, and then had a game night with friends.

   L E S S O N S   +  R E A L I Z A T I O N S    

-  in my reading of the chronological bible plan, the reading for this week was in job. God's Word is always timely for me. instead of mourning with job, his friends were trying to explain everything away. tara-leigh said something that really resonated with me: "we are called to mourn with those who mourn, not advise those who mourn."

-  my polaroid project is on week two, and i already had a moment of, oh crap, what am i going to take a photo of? when i did this project back in 2014, i was living with my parents on their 10-acre property where there was no shortage of photo-worthy adventures. now that i live in a big city, i'm really having to think outside the box, but that's what i love about it.

-  our childcare situation changed again this week, and we've come to the realization that daycare is our only option at this point. it's all kinda up in the air at the moment, and after lots of tears + prayers + talking it over, we are at peace with it.

Sunday, January 6, 2019

THE WEEKLY: dec 31st - jan 6th.

  S N A P S H O T S  

-  polaroid camera.
-  beautiful sunset.
-  exploring our backyard.
-  jackson loves being outside.

   M O M E N T S  +  H A P P E N I N G S     

-  we welcomed the new year with a kiss at midnight + then immediately going to bed. but jackson blessed us by sleeping in the next morning until eight!

-  i am really loving the bible recap as i read the bible chronologically.

-  saturday was unseasonable warm - sixty degrees! we spent the entire afternoon outside, and it was glorious.

-  i started my polaroid project for 2019. i did this five years ago, and it was my favorite creative project to date.

+  movies watched:  bird box (***)  //  crazy rich asians (***)

   L E S S O N S   +  R E A L I Z A T I O N S    

-  we watched "crazy rich asians" this week, and we asked some friends if they had watched it. he rolled his eyes, and quickly said no. his wife is from china, and she said the movie plays on every stereotype of that culture. i found that perspective so interesting.

-  jackson sees more than i know. saturday was a really, really emotional day for us. i was listening to worship music + crying when jackson came up to me and held up his arms for me to hold him. i picked him up, and he laid his head down while tears + praise poured out of me for about ten minutes. he knew i was very sad, and i love that his heart was tender toward that.

Tuesday, January 1, 2019

2 0 1 9

happy new year!

it's january first. like many people, i'm thinking about the next 365 days. what i want to accomplish and such. i have a running list of adventures + to-dos for the new year ahead. but as far as the rest, i'm holding it with open hands.

my main focus for the new year is JESUS. every goal + intention i've set points back to Him in some way. i realized while working thru my powersheets prep that if i'm not living for Jesus with every part of my life, then it's meaningless.

i don't mean that to sound dramatically ecclesiastical. it's just that there was an awakening in my faith in 2018; a re-birth, if you will. i experienced God in a fresh, intimate way. as i began to think about the new year ahead, i realized that if i'm not making Him my focal point, then i'm focusing on all the wrong things.

  a few goals + intentions for 2019:  

-  read thru the bible.

i did this once several years ago. it was purely out of selfish gain - to be able to say i read the bible all the way through. but i stumbled across the bible recap + knew it was something i wanted for the new year. it's a chronological read-thru of the bible with a short commentary podcast each day. i can read the Word myself, and not only glean from what the Spirit has to say, but get fresh perspective from tara-leigh, who i respect immensely.

-  serve my family well.

major caveat here: well does NOT mean perfect. that was what i was striving to be for so long - the perfect wife + mom. when i let go of who i thought i should be for my family, freedom entered my life. i cannot do everything + be everything to my boys. what i can be is a helpmate to jared, and a loving, caring mother to jackson.

-  create.

write. take photos. read books. start my polaroid project for 2019. adventure around my city. do whatever makes my soul come alive. nurture my creative side in many ways, even if that means just going to an evening walk to admire the nature in our neighborhood.

there are other areas of my life i want improve, but these three are my focus - at least for the first few months of the year. choosing a word for the year has always been fun, but in the last couple years, i've noticed that choosing a word for the quarter is more my style. my work for Q1 of 2019 is   C R E A T E  

create more space for the people + activities i love.
create more margin for rest.
create time for Jesus each + every day.
create a practice of daily thankfulness.
create a home that's inviting + full of life.
create art thru different lenses + avenues.

just    C R E A T E  

Sunday, December 30, 2018

2018 // a year in review

  J A N U A R Y   

-  welcomed the new year with a lovely case of hives. i had to continue my dairy-free diet for awhile, but i'm good now.
-  i started getting jackson on a nighttime sleeping schedule, which freed me up to start having actual me time.
-  jackson turned seven months old! has said his first word - DADA. [of course he would. ha!]

BLOG POSTS:  Q1 word: balance // currently | january 2018 / a happy list /  when God shows up in a target bathroom / notes from the weekend  //  vol 1 + vol 2 + vol 3 + vol 4 / january month in review

  F E B R U A R Y  

-  jared got a new position at work as an inspector.
-  spent most evenings playing with jackson + watching the winter olympics.
-  jackson turned eight months old!

BLOG POSTS:  -  favorite podcasts  //  currently  //  notes from the weekend  //  five  |  six  |  seven  |  eight

  M A R C H  

-  celebrated three years of marriage!
-  spring made its grand entrance, and all the people said amen.
-  jackson turned nine months old!

BLOG POSTS:  weekend notes:  9  |  10  |  11  |  12  //  three years  //  currently: march  //  a happy list  //  four things

  A P R I L  

-  after praying for over a year, jared was transferred back to first shift this month!
-  we moved in with my sister-in-law + her family.
-  jackson turned ten months old!

BLOG POSTS:  a month in review  //  we are insane, part deux  //  currently  //  weekend notes: 13 + 14

  M A Y  

-  jackson took his first steps this month.
-  we still lived with my SIL + her family.
-  jackson turned eleven months old!

BLOG POSTS:  joyful magic  //  currently

  J U N E  

-  started the renovation on our home. the day before, we found out i was pregnant.
-  khloe kardashian tweeted me. no big deal. :)
-  we celebrated jackson's first year!

BLOG POSTS:   life lately  //  jackson timothy, year one  //  june twenty-eighteen  //  jackson's first birthday

  J U L Y  

-  we lost our baby in my womb. it was/is hard to understand. but i'm learning that i don't need to. i just need Jesus.
-  we celebrated the fourth of july with a camping trip to el dorado + fireworks with family.
-  the house was coming along, and i never, ever knew how stressful choosing paint colors would be.
-  we visited the new library, and it was so beautiful. i kinda want to live there.

BLOG POSTS:  grief  //  the weekly  //  july 2018

  A U G U S T  

-  the podcast mentioned me on the podcast, and it made my year!
-  i celebrated my 32nd birthday.

BLOG POSTS:  little reminders  //  seven random facts about me  //  the weekly, august 5th, 12th, 19th, + 26th  //  choices + transitions

  S E P T E M B E R  

-  i received my first summons for jury duty, but i never had to serve.
-  i purchased my first cookbook, and it started a fun, new hobby of loving to cook.
-  bought my set of oils! i still love them, even if i don't share about them a lot.

BLOG POSTS:  the weekly, september 2nd, 9th, 16th, 23rd, 30th  //  raising the white flag  //  currently

  O C T O B E R  

-  i survived the tax deadline. little did i know it would be my last!
-  we took jackson to the pumpkin patch. he had a blast.
-  we ventured down to oklahoma for short trip to see my family. jackson loves running around there!
-  i started my new job at MCU!

BLOG POSTS:  friday links  //  the weekly: october 7th, 14th, 21st, 28th  //  He goes before me  //  pregnancy loss

  N O V E M B E R  

-  jackson got his first hair cut.
-  ate at my first food truck.
-  we celebrated thanksgiving with family + food.

  D E C E M B E R  

-  drove around + looked at christmas lights while drinking a delicious latte with the fam-bam.
-  I GOT TO PET A PENGUIN. still can't believe it.
-  celebrated christmas with family + it was one of my favorites to date.

BLOG POSTS:  one teaspoon, not one cup

Sunday, December 2, 2018

one teaspoon, not one cup.

  N E W  J O B  

i have been at the credit union for a little over a month now. it's so great to be back! [i previously worked at mcu for six months right after jared + i got married]. having that prior experience made the transition much easier than i expected. my co-workers are fun + helpful. and goodness, there's always food! the only drawback to my new job is the commute. traffic is always a nightmare, but next year, we are moving our headquarters (where i work) downtown, so it won't be as bad! (i initially typed something about being a working girl downtown, but that made me sound like a hooker instead of an accounting associate. ha!)

  J A C K S O N  

jackson is seventeen months. he is feisty + sweet + always on the go. we recently gave him his first haircut. he looks like a big boy, and my heart simultaneously aches + bursts when i see him now. while this age is really, really exhausting, it's also really fun. he understands a lot of what we are saying now, so when i point to things or say something, he comprehends it instead of looking at me like i have five heads. he can say nine words - mama, dada, baba (his cup), nana (bananas/my mom), papa, bubble, bible, tyler, and juice.

in the last month, jackson had croupe + then another virus two weeks later. i am fully aware that he is going to get sick, but it would help if other parents would use some common (and courteous!) sense and keep their sick children at home. i'm really thankful that my in-laws + niece don't mind watching jackson when he has a cold. there are many challenges to being a working mom, and having a sick kid is one of the top stressors. but i've made my peace with the fact that jackson is a walking germ ball, so sickness if inevitable.

i will admit though that when he was sick last week, he wanted me to hold him all evening. i happily obliged. i was watching tv and looked down to find him asleep in my arms. i don't ever want him to be sick, but my heart was bursting during that hour + a half that he was asleep on me. it reminded me of this time last year when i'd rock him to sleep after nursing. when those memories flood my memory or my FB timeline, i have to choke the tears back. i look back on that season of my life with a sort of fondness. at the time, it was hard. really, really hard. but it was still good.

  R A N D O M S  

-  i'm learning that motherhood is hard, but "hard" doesn't mean that something is wrong; it just means it's hard.

-  i made a strawberry pretzel salad for thanksgiving, and it was a hit! my MIL informed me that i am required to bring that to thanksgiving + christmas from now on. not gonna lie, i was really happy everyone liked it. i lovelovelove to bake, but i'm always nervous for other people to try my desserts. it possibly has to do with the time i was baking peanut butter cookies, and i had my mom try the batter. she made a horrid face. how much salt did you add?! we looked at the recipe and nearly fell over with laughter when we realized my mistake - it called for one teaspoon, not one cup of salt. oops. (in my defense, i was young. it's why i now triple check a recipe when it calls for a teaspoon/tablespoon/cup!). i also baked two pumpkin pies for the first time, and they turned out great. (well from what i was told - it's not my favorite dessert).

-  it seems like it has snowed a lot lately. it's not even officially winter yet, and i want to cancel winter already.

-  we watched fantastic beasts + loved it! i saw a lot of negative reviews of the movie online the next day, and i'm just overly annoyed with everyone being offended + highly critical of every stinking thing. i'm in favor of constructive criticism, but social media has convinced everyone to share every little offense or dislike.

-  i have been drinking tea in the afternoons at work, and it is a small thing, but it brings me joy.

-  we are still loving our new home. we switched jackson's bedroom + the spare bedroom for now because his bedroom was getting too cold with the door shut. i cannot wait for it to get warm again so that we can start up our evening walks again.

-  i recently have been trying new recipes. this mexican lasagna was delicious! this creamy beef pasta was not.

Friday, October 26, 2018

He goes before me.

today is my last day at my current job.

this is the part where i'm supposed to say that it's bittersweet, but that would be a lie. yes- i will miss a couple of my co-workers fiercely. but that is not a reason to stay.

for the last six months, i have felt like i was drowning. just when i thought i could breathe, another wave would come crashing in. work became this place where i was just trying to survive. i could list all the reasons why, but that's not my style. simply put, i was giving my all and then some in exchange for chump change.

when i started this job three years ago, i proudly walked in the house one night after work and declared that i was going to retire from that place. i loved my job, the clients, everything. shortly after i was hired, i received a promotion. in hindsight, that's where it all started.

when i started job hunting in late spring of this year, i had daily emails of open positions for bookkeepers, but nothing that looked promising. i started to feel hopeless. i casually mentioned this to jared a few weeks ago, and he quickly replied, "that's when a breakthrough is about to happen." little did he know just how right he was.

while at work on a saturday (ugh), jared texted me that a local credit union had just posted an opening in their accounting department. i had previously worked for the company as a bank teller, but quickly realized accounting was my first love. i applied immediately. the following monday, i received an email asking for an interview, which happened on wednesday. the next day, i was asked back for a second interview. i found that promising. at the end of the second interview, we wrapped up the questions, and they looked at me and said, "we want to hire you." WAIT WHAT.

guys. this job comes with a big pay increase plus benefits! it's huge for our family.

God was faithful to provide this job. i never lost faith- even if it was the size of a mustard seed. i asked Him when this process started to either change my heart or change my situation. He did both actually. but there's another part to this story that i need to tell. 

i put my two weeks in yesterday. the reaction was expected. i was asked that my last day be today. i agreed. i had another week before i could officially start my new job, so i wondered how that would affect our finances. nonetheless, i knew we'd be okay.

but God went before me and made a way before i even had a chance to ask. i got back to my desk and saw an email from my new employer confirming my start date. she mentioned i could start next week if need be. PRAISE HIM.

Monday, October 22, 2018

the weekly: october 15th - 21st.

  S N A P S H O T S  

-  celebratory chick-fil-a.  
-  wild + free.
-  he loves my parents' land.
-  jackson + mommy.

   M O M E N T S  +  H A P P E N I N G S    

-  i survived the tax deadline on monday + celebrated with chick-fil-a.

-  i had a prayer answered in a big way this week. i can't say anything just yet [not pregnant] but it is huge for our family!

-  we took a short overnight trip to oklahoma to visit my family. jackson had a blast running around my parents' property and soaked up all the attention.

   L E S S O N S   +  R E A L I Z A T I O N S   

-  i was telling jared how stuck i felt in a certain area of my life. he told me that meant the breakthrough was about to happen. he had no idea just how right he was! if you're feeling stick, like there's no hope of your situation changing, i'm confident that God will either change our hearts or change our circumstances.

-  there is something about going back to oklahoma that resets my soul.  

  P R E V I O U S L Y  on  W I L D B L O O M  

+  2017:  three things you need to know (this is when #notpolethursdays started!)
+  2016:  tidbits of life
+  2014:  life lately
+  2013:  a happy list  //  DIY fall pumpkins