Thursday, July 13, 2017

jackson's birth story.

JUNE 20:  40 week appointment. hadn't dilated past a 1, 60% effaced. our doctor scheduled an induction for friday, june 30th - unless i went into labor before then.

JUNE 27:  almost 41 weeks. i am super emotional at our weekly doctor's appointment. our doctor moves the induction date up to thursday.

JUNE 28:  another doctor's appointment to check dilation to see if i needed to get my cervix prepped the night before. i was at 3.5 cm dilated, so i got to go home. my mama came up and took us out to dinner. i was surprisingly not nervous at all that night and slept fairly well.

JUNE 29:  41 weeks. induction day!

i woke up at 3:30 a.m. and couldn't fall back asleep. my alarm was set for 4:30, so i laid there for about an hour. i got dressed + packed our hospital bag. [yes, i waited until the very last minute. literally.] we arrived at the hospital at 5:45 a.m., checked in, and headed to our room. i changed into the hospital gown and answered a lot of questions. they asked me if i wanted an epidural, and i confidently told them i was opting for a natural birth.

pitocin was started around 8 a.m. i was hooked up to the fetal monitors for a little bit. i remember being so annoyed with this because i wanted to get up and walk around. when i finally was able to get up and move around, the contractions had started, but they were really mild. i started to get some bloody show, and it freaked me out! i kept asking our doula and the nurses if that was normal. in my defense, i wasn't aware that there would be that much. i just thought it would be a tiny trickle. #TMI

i walked around our room and labored on the exercise ball off and on for over an hour. jared and our doula kept me distracted with coffee talk and conversation for quite awhile. i'm not sure of the time, but somewhere between 10 and 11, the nurses came in to hook me up to the monitor. by then, the contractions were starting to really pick up in intensity and frequency.

i was allowed to sit on the exercise ball while they monitored me, which was nice. i bounced and swayed thru the contractions. i had to be hooked up to the monitors intermittently for 20 minutes each hour. toward the end of that twenty minutes, i felt a pop and a gush. ohhhh, snap! i told the nurse what i felt, and she said she didn't see any bloody show, so it was possible my water had broke.

the doctor and nurses had me stand up and WHOOSH. water came gushing out like a river. i laughed and jared asked why. i told him my water broke, and i needed a new pair of socks. priorities, people. i sat back on the ball and that's when contractions started to reeeeeally pick up.

what happens after my water broke is really hard to relive. i went my entire pregnancy with the mindset that i would go all natural, no drugs. i prayed and read all i could about how to deliver naturally, so i thought i was well prepared.

the doctor came in to check me. i was dilated to 4 cm. i remember feeling a little bummed about that, but i also knew that as a first-time mom, i could labor for hours and dilation could still be minimal. somewhere between 12:30 and 12:45, i broke down. i remember thinking that i couldn't labor like that for hours upon hours. the pain was unreal. i tried each technique my doula offered, but i finally asked for the epidural.

getting the actual epidural wasn't painful, but OH MY GOSH, having to sit still while it was being administered was pure torture. my contractions were insane by this point. i was moaning loudly and crying a lot. jared told me later that he thought it was because of the epidural. ha! no.

once the epidural was in, they laid me on my back. after a couple minutes, one of the nurses came over and started turning me from side to side. that's when i knew something wasn't right. the doctor checked me again, and i was dilated to an 8 within a matter of minutes. after what seemed like forever, another doctor came to my side and bent down so that she was face to face with me. she was kind and told me that baby's heart rate dropped by over half, and that they couldn't get it back up. she recommended that i be taken to the OR and if they couldn't find the heartbeat in there, they would have to do an emergency c-section.

i remember looking over at jared and seeing the concern on his face. those moments that they were wheeling me to the operating room were surreal. it was like an out-of-body experience. i kept waiting to just wake up - like it was all a dream.

once in the OR, everything went fast. i remember them telling me that i would feel pressure, and i kept yelling OWWW. i felt them moving my belly, and i was so worried that they were going to cut into me before i was numb. what happened next was just plain weird. anesthesia made my mind all wonky. i woke up and felt like i was in a trance. days later, i finally remembered jared holding jackson up to my face. i'm thankful someone snapped this photo - even though i'm totally out of it. jackson was born at 1:20 p.m.

the guy in the green scrubs is the anesthesiologist. every time i think of jackson's birth, i thank the Lord for that guy. he put my epidural in, and he was also in the room during my c-section. he stood off to the side with jared and reassured him that jackson + i were both doing well. i'm so thankful that someone was there to be with jared. i can't imagine what those moments were like for him when they wheeled me back and he was left in the room by himself to put the scrubs on.

once i was in the recovery room, that's when everything hit me. the natural birth i desired, the skin-to-skin time with jackson - it didn't happen and i broke down. my doctor came in and he was so compassionate. he even shed a couple tears with me because he knew how broken my heart was. jared tells me that the first thing i said to him once i was in the recovery room was: we are NOT having anymore kids. i definitely don't remember saying that!

once i was finally coherent enough, jared told me that the cord was wrapped around jackson's shoulder, which is what caused his heart rate to drop. jackson was taken to the NICU for just a little bit because he had some fluid in his lungs. cue more tears. i was so upset, but i was also thankful that my baby was doing well. those moment in recovery were rough. i was going in + out and shaking like crazy from the anesthesia. but finally- the nurse told me that i was ready to go to my room. and even better- jackson would be there, too!

they wheeled me down the hallway. we stopped at the entrance of my room, and as they turned me around, i saw him. my baby. one of the nurses pushed the bassinet up next to my bed and i completely lost it. [and i'm losing it again as i type this. goodness.] there he was, so perfect. once they got me on the bed, everyone left the room and a nurse brought jackson to me. he curled up right on my chest.

that moment - when they placed him on my chest - is the moment that overshadows all the unplanned, broken pieces of my labor. that is the moment i will always remember. a flood of tears and praise came out of me. the Lord was so close to me in that moment - it's the closest i've ever felt Him. when i'm old + grey, i will still remember that moment so vividly.

Monday, July 3, 2017

jackson timothy keimig.

jackson timothy keimig
8 lbs. 4 oz.
20 + 3/4 inches long

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

40 week update.

i went in for my 40-week appointment yesterday. i haven't dilated past 1, but i'm 60% effaced. baby has definitely dropped in the last few days. i'm having lots of tightening braxton hicks and pressure, but no significant contractions.

my doctor scheduled us for an induction next friday (the 30th). i'll be totally transparent: my heart sank. i have spent the majority of my life thinking i would want an epidural the second labor started, but after research + talking with a couple friends, i made the decision to birth naturally. inductions do not prevent this from happening, but they certainly increase the chances of outside medical intervention. (the two things i absolutely do not want: epidural and/or c-section.)

i keep reminding myself that at the end of the day, my biggest prayer is a safe + healthy delivery. so here i am, sitting in the tension of boldly declaring that He is able to work all things out for my good while holding my plans loosely at His feet. i know my God is able.  

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

CURRENTLY // june 2017.

creating:  allllll the lists. i basically make to-do lists so i can see how long i can procrastinate the tasks.

eating:  salads. ice cream. strawberries. peanut butter sammiches.   

drinking:  i bought a cute cup at target for $5 + i've been guzzling water like crazy. and blackberry lemonade.

reading:  lots of articles related to labor + delivery, of course. 

watching:  all the instagram stories. i am obsessed with 'em.  

anticipating:  oh ya know, giving birth.

enjoying:  leftover cupcakes from my fourth + final baby shower.

marveling:  at the fact that - no matter what - i will have a baby in less than three weeks. what the what?!  

needing:  to pack a hospital bag. install the car seat. order the crib mattress. ha! no big deal. 

learning:  to just smile when people comment on the size of my belly. it's whatever at this point.

celebrating:  finding out at this week's baby appointment that i am 1 cm dilated; 50% effaced!

Monday, June 12, 2017

everyday moments: little saturday adventures.

jared + i found ourselves with a rare weekend with no plans. it turned out to be a weekend of little adventures. and it was the best.

i snapped a couple bump photos. it blows my mind that i will have a baby in my arms in less than three weeks for sure. but we are so ready to meet our little man - even milo is excited!

i woke up around 9. while jared was sleeping, i cleaned the house + enjoyed a slow morning. we then had lunch at rib crib + an afternoon coffee date at verita coffee.

we met some friends at the theater and watched the new mummy movie. afterward, i was craving a cupcake, so we ventured over to smallcakes. [it just opened down the street, less than a minute from our house. it's a blessing + a curse!] we enjoyed the most delicious cupcakes - lemon for him, peanut butter for me - and then headed home to relax for a couple hours. we ended the evening with a game night with two of our couple friends.

jared looked over at me after everyone left, and said, "i had a great day with you babe."
these little moments - they are what i will remember in the years to come. random saturday adventures with my love. this is the life, i tell ya.

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

a month in review // may 2017

salted caramel latte. lake vibes. pretty flowers on a nature trail.
flowers from my niece. new flair pen colors! iced chai.
pretty flowers at work. baby bump at 33 weeks. milo bean.


//  we took one last big camping trip to big hill lake before baby gets here. i was a little nervous because - hello, i'm eight months pregnant. walking to the fridge exhausts me, so how am i going to keep up with everyone on hikes and such? i'm happy to report that i was a trooper. our trip was so fun. the weather was ahhhhhmazing - probably the best camping weather we've ever had.

//  i felt my first braxton hicks. i was walking out of target, and BAM. it took me until the next day to realized what they were. i downed lots of water, and they improved by the end of the weekend.

//  jared + i took a small road trip to my hometown for a baby shower my mama threw for me at the church i grew up in. it was a blast to get to see everyone again. we also stopped by aspen coffee shop so i could get a chai latte because they have the best ever!

//  i had another baby shower at work. i felt so spoiled! we ate at on the border, and then came back for cake + presents. we ended up hanging out in my boss's office all afternoon, and it was so fun to celebrate with my work girls.

//  jared + i took a tour of the hospital where i am giving birth. it was kinda surreal to see it all, knowing we will be there in a matter of weeks to meet our son.


::  when i tell people i'm opting for a natural birth, i always thought i'd get positive responses. guys- i've received maybe a handful of people encouraging me in this decision. the rest were negative in some way or another. i obviously don't need people to affirm me on this. i have jared + my doctor + my doula + the Lord to do that. but goodness, i was a little bummed by the lack of support.

::  i have maybe two pairs of matching socks these days thanks to a really cute, but really naughty beagle baby.

::  finding a cheap glider for the nursery is not at easy as i thought it'd be. slap the term "nursery glider" on a normal chair, and all of a sudden the price is double what it would normally be. but we finally found such a great deal after searching over five different stores.

::  when i set book goals, it's easier to pick out the book(s) i want to finish first. instead of "read two books" this month, i specifically separated the goal into two parts: finish "chasing slow" and read ina may's guide to childbirth.


[monthly goals]

-  schedule hospital tour. 
-  finish "chasing slow".  //  i'm alllllmost finished with this book. it's one that has to be savored. 
-  order crib, bassinet, and changing table/dresser.
-  start ina may's 'guide to childbirth'.  //  i started this book, but haven't finished it yet.
-  post on instagram stories.
-  send out baby shower 'thank you' notes.  //  blahhhhh. i know it's polite, but sheesh.

[weekly goals]

-  powersheets check-in.

[daily goals]

-  little by little.
-  eclp dailies.
-  water + vitamins.  //  i did so well this month!

Friday, May 26, 2017

thoughts in my last month of pregnancy.

as of yesterday, i am 36 weeks!

i've been thinking back on that day alllll the way back in october when i found out i was pregnant. it seems like forever ago and just yesterday at the same time.

our little man can basically come any day now. my guess is that i will go past my due date, but ultimately it's just a waiting game. we finally found a rocker/chair and jared put the crib + changing table/dresser together this week, so the nursery is starting to come together. it was initially going to double as my office, but after thinking about, i don't want to work where the baby is sleeping.

i made a huge to-do list of everything i still need to do before baby gets here. i still have yet to pack a hospital bag. i need to order the breast pump, put the bassinet + car seat together, make a birthing/labor playlist, and several other small tasks. [by the way, i've come to the conclusion that sending out thank-you notes is just silly. i told each person thank you as i opened the gifts and probably a couple of other times, too. i just feel like this is a waste of time, but i will do it because i never sent out thank-you notes from our reception. oops!]

i also have several things left to buy. i'm not one of those people who needs eeeeevery little thing on "baby must-have lists!". i just want the bare essentials because a) we don't have a lot of extra space and b) half of the items on that list are never used or are really just wants instead of needs. once i have my work baby shower + the one my mother-in-law's work is throwing for us, then i'll sit down and decide what's left to buy that's essential. 

it's still crazy to think that in less than a month, i will have a baby. not just the birth, but actually taking him home. i'm so grateful to have jared as a support system/helpmate/husband/etc. there are other small anxieties i have that sound so silly, but hey- it is what it is. like if people just show up unannounced in those first couple weeks. or if people want to hold him and just- germs + ick. i am such a germaphobe, but i feel as though it will be magnified once he is born. i have decided to not feel bad if i ask someone to wash their hands or "don't touch!" because that motherly instinct is fierce.

i am finally getting caught up at work and getting all the last minute details sorted out with my clients and accounts. i will start working from home two weeks after i give birth. i plan to go back to work after six weeks.

i keep trying to imagine what it's going to be like when i go into labor, but truth it, however i imagine it to be isn't reality.  this experience is so different for every person, so i'm learning to take it all in these last several weeks. i have opinions thrown at me left and right, but i'm learning to smile and prayerfully make decisions that are best for our family.

there is one thing that i know for sure of motherhood though. and it is this: i know nothing. i can do all the research and planning and prepping, but it cannot fully prepare me for this insane/beautiful/crazy/hard journey i am about to experience.

until baby is born, you can find me over here saying lots of prayers and eating ice cream. :)