Friday, November 17, 2017

thoughts on the dirty john podcast.

if you have no idea what the dirty john podcast is, go listen right now, and then come back and let's discuss this mayhem. because i've got some feelings.

i've been on a podcast kick lately. in my quest for something new, i came across the dirty john podcast. it's only six episodes, but OH MYLANTA. i have so many feelings. i'll just put this out there for the world to know + some might disagree: this was better than the serial podcast. 

because i'm a nerd [and because i like to dissect + analyze everything], i wrote random notes + questions + thoughts throughout my weekly binge. i got so hooked that instead of listening to music in the car, i'd turn on this podcast. (you can also read the entire series here if podcasts aren't your thing.)

here is a collection of my thoughts from the dirty john podcast:

-  there's a difference between being too nice + being an idiot. [looking at you, debra.]

-  but did he kill his dad?!?!?!?!?!

-  i knew even before deb's mom confirmed it that she is a believer. i cried as she told of forgiving billy for killing her daughter. but i will admit: would i testify for my daughter's killer? i cannot say that i would, but her recollection of this situation made me very emotional. i also cannot fathom that a man who killed his wife only served two years, nine months, and two days in prison. i absolutely do not agree with that.

-  who is the ovaltine woman?!

-  why. did. she. take. him. back? my parents raised me to forgive as well, but they also would call me out when i was dating a guy who wasn't right. and her mom liked him?! we are called to be like Jesus, but where do you draw the line? there has to be some common sense instead of being a doormat + putting your children at risk.

-  you can tell her daughters are from orange county. the way they talk... ugh. but then again, some people may not like my oklahoma accent. 

-  every time i would learn of another insane act from john, i would be utterly sad/disgusted that someone could be so manipulative  + simultaneously baffled that the other could be so naive and blind to this con man. 

-  i legit waited until i finished the podcast to publish these thoughts. i had to know john's fate because i feared that he would read them, and find me and murder me. that sounds so outlandish, but you guys- he was crazy evil. 

-  but really- who the heck was the ovaltine woman?!?!?!

Thursday, November 16, 2017


-  we put our christmas tree up last weekend. judge me all you want. sorry i like to be holly jolly for more than twenty-five days, people.

-  when i first saw popsockets on a few peoples' phones, i thought they were the dumbest thing. but then i started wondering if it would be awesome? i found them on sale at best buy, so i decided to try it. hands down, it's one of the best purchases i've made this year.

-  there's a new instagram poll up on my stories. it's another food poll, but this may be the hardest one yet!

Thursday, November 9, 2017


-  after years of searching, i finally found the perfect black ankle boot. i have clicked on every single article from fashion bloggers who claim to have found the "perfect" ankle boot - only to discover, like always, it's the same story: the boot actually comes up higher than one's ankle, making it a shin boot. when i tried these on at kohl's, i swear i heard angels singing, y'all.

-  postpartum hair loss is no joke. i'm shedding worse than our golden retriever right now.

-  there are dino emojis now, and it makes me so happy. i developed this newfound fascination with dinosaurs once we found out jackson was a boy.

-  there is a new poll on my insta-stories. this week is awesome for two reasons:  one: it's all about 90s disney movies + there are TWO polls!

Thursday, November 2, 2017

three things you need to know.

-  i just want to give a shout-out to scooter's for having the best almond milk lattes + the cutest red cups.

-  after battling bad colds all week, husband + i woke up feeling human again. we are going to see the new thor movie tonight. date nights are my favorite!

-  there's a new poll up on my instagram stories! i've posed a question about when you start celebrating christmas. some people are REALLY passionate about this topic. haha!


Tuesday, October 31, 2017

a month in review // october 2017.


-  jared, jackson, + i took a short road trip to visit my family one saturday. on our way back, we tried a new coffee shop in stillwater called balanced coffee co. they have THE coolest atmosphere/decor, and their almond milk lattes are delish!

-  saturdays are our date nights. we drop jackson off with family + spend a couple hours together. having jared on second shift sucks, but we are making the best of it.

-  jackson turned four months old!

-  i started a weekly poll series on instagram. what started out as just a fun thing has turned in to one of my favorite parts of the week. i love the messages everyone sends, and i also love making the videos. 

-  we legit binged season two of stranger things. it was SO good!

-  i totally drove to three separate target stores to find this mug. #noshame


::  i was cleaning out jackson's newborn clothes [side note: how was he that tiny?!] and i was putting them in a box to donate. jared + i had discussed in the past that we may only have one baby, so i was just going to get rid of what jackson outgrew. but after a couple discussions, i've decided to box them up and wait a couple years. this by no means we will have another baby, but we have entertained the possibility.

::  me: yeah, my friend was talking about that.  husband: which friend?  me: oh, an instagram/blog/twitter/etc. friend. //  does anyone else do this?! somehow, i always weave an online friend into a conversation, and it's still funny that there are people in this world that i've never met in person yet i still call them friend. it's the best part of social media.

::  the great thing about social media is that everyone can voice their opinion. the worst part of social media is that everyone can voice their opinion.

::  i suppose i don't totally hate sushi. i decided to give it a shot since jared loves it. i ordered a salmon roll with a soy wrap, and it was quite tasty. my issue with sushi is the texture of the seaweed wrap. just gross. once i can have dairy again, i will order a roll with cream cheese.

::  in the evening, i'm usually cuddling with jackson a lot, so the last thing i want to do is laundry. i now start a load in the morning when i wake up. [waking up early to do laundry + house tasks - who am i?! haha!]

::  you can call target, and if they have the item you're looking for, they will hold it for you. this would have saved me those two extra trips i took to find that awesome stranger things mug.

::  it's so incredibly sweet to see my parents as grandparents. 



-  work on fall powersheets prep work.
-  book launch: dance stand run - jess connolly 
-  2018 powersheets launch! 
-  read 1 book
research budget ideas + start a bills calendar
-  re-organize office + decor
update jackson's baby book
-  try one new recipe


-  blog 1-2 times/week
-  keep up with month in review post on wildbloom
-  instagram polls - thursdays


-  prayer
-  water
-  10-15 minutes of "me time"
-  home tending
-  recycle*

Thursday, October 26, 2017

four things you need to know.

-  i am obsessed with the thinkdirty app. since going dairy free, i have been more conscious of what i put in/on my body. i am replacing products (cleaning, makeup, etc.) as i run out. i was surprised to find that the detergent i use (all free and clear) was actually better than the baby detergent i had been using for jackson's clothes. i try to buy products that have a 0 - 3 rating.

-  stranger things, season two: tomorrow! 🎉 jared is taking the day off so we can binge it all night. i also discovered that pizza hut has vegan pizza options, and i cannot tell you how excited i am to fiiiiinally eat some pizza! (at this point, i don't even care that it won't have cheese!)

-  thank you SO much to those who reached out regarding my blog post about jackson’s birth. i realized i’m not alone because there were several of you who went through the same thing.

there’s a new poll on my stories! this week's topic is all about superpowers. be sure to cast your vote!

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

motherhood ramblings | part one

i want to preface this by confessing that i almost deleted this post, but decided against it. i'm hoping that one day these words can help another mama. the number one reason i started this blog years ago was to document my life. as the years have gone by, i've realized that our words - our stories - they matter. they have meaning + purpose. the Lord is in the midst of the highest of highs + the lowest of lows. i know that one day, i will look back on this season and see how the Lord took my brokenness + made it beautiful- like only He can do.

for the last four months, i have silently struggled with jackson's birth. it has finally come to the surface this week, and i can no longer continue to dwell + obsess + ignore all that's going on in my head and in my heart. i have prayed about it every day- hoping for peace about all that transpired. i just wish i could find another mama who had a similar experience. maybe to know i'm not alone or maybe just to tell me what i already know: my baby is here + he is fine + i will be too. one day.

i was talking about it with jared last night, and it occurred to me that a lot of what i'm feeling is shame. i desired a medicated-free birth so deeply. and when i asked for the epidural, i felt so weak + embarrassed. (side note: no one will ever convince me that inductions don't make the contractions worse.) of course, shortly after is when i had an emergency c-section. i was so headstrong about no meds that i never prepared myself for any other possibility.

couple these shame-filled feelings with mom-shaming articles that pop up on my facebook feed. it's like a riot in my mind.

there's a small part of me that knows - at the end of the day - these feelings are just that- feelings. they aren't reflective of who i am as a mother. when jackson is older, no one is going to ask him how he arrived in this world. why? because NO ONE REALLY CARES ALL THAT MUCH. and for the select few who like to shame other moms for their births, well... it's best that i don't finish that sentence.

well-meaning words like "but at least you have a healthy baby" are nice, but what i'm learning is that it's okay to grieve the birth i desired. it doesn't make me less of a mama, and it definitely doesn't mean i don't love my son as much as if i'd delivered him differently. all the books + articles will try to convince you that an all-natural birth where the baby is immediately placed on your chest is the only way to bond with your baby. 

i beg to differ. when i finally saw my son for the first time three hours later, i had the sweetest moment of worship with the Lord. all i could say was THANK YOU. they placed my baby in my arms, and in that moment, nothing mattered. 


this is probably one of my most vulnerable posts. if you or someone you know had a similar experience, reach out to me via the comments or email me. we mamas gotta stick together + encourage one another instead of criticizing + comparing every little thing. after all, we are just trying to do what's best for our children. it looks different for everyone, and that's okay.