after a week-long social media break,
i was eager to come back.

and then read a post that i know was meant well,
but was so insensitive + boastful.

and then i unfollowed a few people.

and then i saw posts dripping with hypocrisy.

i closed the apps-
sat by the fire with my husband,
watch the dog play fetch,
and laughed really hard.

that crazy idea i had during my break
to just delete it all + only keep this blog
is starting to not sound so crazy after all.
 


tell me why
my baby
looks like such a big boy
wasn’t he just born
yesterday 







good things from today-
had a chill work day
a coworker brought crumbl cookies
finished a delightful book
went for a walk + listened to a podcast


 




something i have changed my mind about lately-
the color pink.
i used to loathe it in a way that was almost palpable.
but now-
i find certain shades of pink to be delightful:
salmon, blush, magenta, rose quartz
 

currently reading.
“if there’s pleasure in action, there is peace in stillness.”
i want to start a petition to bring blogging back.
remember the days that started with coffee + blogs?
sans smart phones; we read blogs on a desktop. 
what a time is was to be a blogger from 2010-2014.
let’s make it happen. 


kansas, are you okay?
it's 93º today.
did you forget it's only the 9th of may?
spring has barely made its way.
dang, boo- those UV rays.
and that humidity- why you so crayyy?





 


as i hugged jackson before bed, 
he apologized for an earlier tantrum.
i hugged him tighter.
“i forgive you + i love you, bud.”

“what if you didn’t love me?”

i grabbed him into another hug.
“not possible. i love you soooo much.”

what i didn’t say was,
i love you so much, it hurts.” 





 

i walked out of the theater
after watching the new doctor strange movie 
with an aching in my chest 
because it is not just a superhero movie;
it’s about a mother’s love
it’s heartbreaking loss
and it was hauntingly beautiful
 


sabbath things
-  time w/husband
-  coffee on the pergola
-  hot tub time
-  mac + cheese
-  reading a really good book 



 



things that are better to hold than my phone-


-  my baby boy
-  a hot mug of coffee
-  jared's hand
-  an iced coffee
-  a good book
-  a pen for journaling
-  puzzle pieces
-  Hope






the two best things i did today:  backspace + delete.


 

grateful for coffee, a short post-work nap, our local library, cozy socks, scripture, pinterest
open windows, home, friendship, + vacuuming. 

 



my baby boy got a big boy haircut today.

i was a rainy day, which i love.

my co-worker gave me a crumbl cookie.

jackson saw his first rainbow IRL.

six words: blake lively at the met gala.

what a lovely monday.

 

what i want to remember from today-

i slept in until 8:30
my arms were full of babies at church 
sipped a delicious mango pineapple dunkin’ drink
i called my mom to laugh about an inside joke
jared + i bought so many flowers at lowe’s 
together- we repotted them all over our front yard
it was romantic
enjoyed sunday night bible group + prayer 
i held my baby boy during worship 
and climbed into bed sore + tired, with a full heart 


 


1.  digital task reminder app.  i rave about my bullet journal all the time, but i found myself needing little reminders for random things throughout the day. after lots of searching, i ended up messing around with the reminders app that came on my iPhone. it works great! it is customizable + has helped me out a lot.


2.  matinee movie showings.  we usually go to the theater on opening night or weekend nights, but we had a free saturday afternoon, so we chose an afternoon showtime. it was awesome! we went three times this month.


3.  dunkin iced coffees.  there's a new dunkin down the street from us now, and i treat myself to their iced caramel macchiatos each week.


4.  wordle.  i play wordle + drink coffee every morning. it's a simple habit, but one that i look forward to each day. 


5.  forgiveness + grace.  what i know is this: i could live in a constant state of comparison + self-protection or i can bring Light to the darkness. i can say, "i'm sorry". i can move forward with grace. i can be a good friend. i can choose community + vulnerability over self-preservation. 


6.  easter.  maybe more than any other year, easter felt real, almost tangible, this year. He is risen, indeed!