S N A P S H O T S  

-  saturday mornings are my favorite. 
-  while unpacking, i found my grandma gracie's bible.
-  salted cream cold foam cold brew. it's legit, y'all.
-  i might be in love with our new appliances.

   M O M E N T S  +  H A P P E N I N G S    

-  jared finished up the trim work, and i am alllllmost finished unpacking the last few boxes!   

-  i made dinner while jackson played in the next room. these little moments are so delightful.

-  i worked late one night and didn't get home until 8:30. jackson greeted me with a huge smile, and i melted.

-  finished glass sword on audiobook. i'm just not very into this series like i thought i'd be.  

-  we had zero plans on friday night, and it was GLORIOUS.

-  my family came up on saturday. we celebrated my birthday early with shopping + dinner at rib crib.

   L E S S O N S   +  R E A L I Z A T I O N S   

-  sometimes i need to lay aside my pride (okay, all the time) and get the job done. i have been stubborn about some things at work, and it's benefiting no one- myself included.

-  i tried new shampoo + conditioner recently, but switched back to my favorites. i have never loved a shampoo scent more! [affiliate link]   

-  personality tests are a crutch for fostering poor behavior. 

-  make sure to pick up any rogue toys because jared may trip over one as he's leaving for work at 4:30 in the morning, causing oneself to run through the house whisper-yelling BABE, BABE. what did i think i was going to accomplish by calling an intruder 'babe'?

-  i was just about to give up on these weekly posts when i realized that i have come to loathe the monthly recaps. i always forget to update the post weekly so that i'm not sitting with a blank page on the last day of the month- when it dawned on me: why not just write a weekly recap? having my new agendio planner really helps because i use it as a planner/journal/memory keeper/catch-all.

i reflected on the year jared worked second shift

  P R E V I O U S L Y  on  W I L D B L O O M  

+  2017 - photos from my maternity leave  [i remember writing this post at work because i was trying to distract myself.]
+  2016 - coffee date  [other coffee dates on the blog.]   
+  2014 - exploring freedom [still the best chai ever!] +  your suffering is over [one of WILDBLOOM's most popular posts!]
+  2013 - iphoneography  [dang, i miss this series on the blog.]

jared sent a text earlier this week letting me know that he had a meeting with his bosses, and it was possibly about transferring back to second shift.

my heart sank.

i felt a surge of worry start to build up in my mind, but i quickly reminded myself of truth. it got me thinking about when jared was on second shift for a little over a year.

he started when i was six months pregnant. i had no chill about it because hormones + bringing a new baby into the world + you know, major life changes all at once. i cried for weeks while jared kept reassuring me it would all be okay. i finally decided a couple weeks before he transferred that the only thing about the situation that could change was my attitude. i decided to take my lemons + make lemonade. [actually- i just ate lots of braum's chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.]

the first few months when jared was on second shift weren't too bad. i spent the evenings nesting and binging parks + rec. i'd go grocery shopping on monday nights by myself, which was oddly glorious. once a week, i would take him dinner, and we would eat in the parking lot at his work.

looking back at those weekly parking lot dates, i realize how important they were. the hardest part of second shift for us was the lack of quality time together. on a good day, we saw each other for a total of an hour. but on the bright side, effort was made on both sides. he woke up before i left for work to make me a cup of coffee; i stayed up to chat while he got ready for bed. when he had the night off, we would go on dates or hang out with friends.

after jackson was born, we sold our house + bought another one. maternity leave was definitely not this relaxing time off i had envisioned before having a baby. [how naive i was!] most of the time, jared was working on the new house, and i was just trying to keep my head above water. once we both started back to work, it was so, so different than before jackson.

this might sound crazy given my initial reaction of jared's transfer, but second shift was easier after jackson was born. maybe it was because i had someone to take care of + keep me company while jared was at work. or maybe having those two months of evenings to myself prepared me for what was to come. whatever the reason, i was surprised at how much i liked it.

our park city home was a season of transition for us. it saw us through so much growth. i don't think it was a coincidence that jared was finally transferred back to first shift when we decided to sell that house. i realized it served it purpose for us when we signed the papers at closing and saw that we made a little money in the process.

jared texted me right after his meeting - no transfer. i was relieved. had it become our reality, we would have been okay. but i reeeeally love coming home after work, walking in the door, and seeing jared + jackson playing together on the floor.

  S N A P S H O T S  
-  saturday mornings are becoming my favorite.
-  peek-a-boo.
-  unpacking with the help of jackson.
-  sunday planning.

  D A I L I E S  
-  MONDAY:  began packing up some of our things + started a new audiobook.
-  WEDNESDAY:  my favorite podcast mentioned my listener confession on today's episode.
-  THURSDAY:  my niece + i had a photoshoot at a sunflower field + i almost died from excitement. 
-  FRIDAY:  i finally got my new agendio planner in the mail! it's the little things, y'all.
-  SATURDAY:  lots of unpacking + ended the day with a birthday party at the splash pad.
-  SUNDAY:  spent the afternoon cozied up, planning the week, + drinking tea.

  P R E V I O U S L Y  on  W I L D B L O O M  
always a good reminder.
2015 was a fun summer.
+  a fun blogging series:  blogging: year one  //  how i got started  //  blogging resources 
+  one of my most popular posts:  26 before 27.

  S N A P S H O T S  
-  jackson loves to read. and by "read" - i mean he likes to flip through every page really fast.
-  shopping on saturday morning for house supplies.
-  my coffee mug matched my socks.
-  we moved some furniture into our house!!!!! [not sorry for those excessive exclamation points]

  D A I L I E S  
-  MONDAY:  jackson loves to go shopping with mama. he waves at everyone and says hhiiii.
-  TUESDAY:  finally getting caught up at work. a lot of stress was lifted when i started reminding myself of truths.
-  WEDNESDAY:  i started listening to my first audiobook, big little lies. it's free with my state library e-card!
-  THURSDAY:  jackson + i played all evening while daddy worked on the house.
-  FRIDAY:  spent the evening painting + listening to an audiobook.
-  SATURDAY:  we worked on the house most of the day. it was a really good day.
-  SUNDAY: church + house shopping. we bought a washer + dryer! i love doing laundry. [i know, i know.]

  P R E V I O U S L Y  on  W I L D B L O O M  
+  i remember writing this post last summer while jared fixed a broken toilet at 11pm.
+  five year later and half of these have changed.
+  LOL to when i used to post my monthly goals on the blog.
+  i still love my city!

+  i absolutely, weirdly LOVE vacuuming. i would vacuum every single day if i could.

+  i'm ride or die for the oxford comma.

+  i placed third in my fifth grade science fair. my project was color changing roses.

+  i am the worst gift wrapper.

+  puns, dad jokes, + sarcasm are my jam.

+  i always wait to pack until the last minute. like literally- the day of jackson's birth, i packed my hospital bag.

+  i used to silently judge people who used e-readers. and then i had a baby. now i'm a proud kindle owner.

  S N A P S H O T S  
-  this kid loves evening walks. i play worship music + walk around the neighborhood before his bedtime.
-  YOU GUYS. run to walmart right now and buy this cookie butter.  
-  we have received sweet little 'thinking of you' gifts from friends lately.
-  dessert from my mother-in-law.

  D A I L I E S  
-  MONDAY was my first day back to work. it was hard, but i did it.
-  i spent TUESDAY night painting over at the house.
-  i started reading "why i hate green beans" on WEDNESDAY.
-  jackson + i enjoyed a peaceful evening on THURSDAY with a walk + extra snacks.
-  i had a rough day at work on FRIDAY, but it ended well with strawberry shortcake.
-  SATURDAY was so glorious. i did housework + hung out with jackson all day.
-  we worked on the house for a couple hours on SUNDAY while jack napped.

  P R E V I O U S L Y  on  W I L D B L O O M  
+  i am considering another polaroid project for next year. here is the 2014 polaroid project.
+  i shared my bullet journal two years ago on the blog. i recently purchased an agendio planner. i'm SO excited!
+  i recently went back through every single blog post and updated old content + broken links and stumbled across this post. i'd like to post a recap of each week, but i'm also realistic and know it may not happen. but for now, i really enjoy this old way of blogging! i am so inspired after reading through all of my old posts. [and a little embarrassed at some things i wrote. haha!]

i was listening to a podcast about miscarriage yesterday. i wasn't sure if i could make it through the episode without breaking down, but i figured all i had to do was hit stop if it became too much. a half hour later, i finished it having not shed one tear.

later in the day, i listed to another podcast about knowing when to have more children and when to stop. two of the ladies announced their pregnancies during the episode. when asked their due dates, one happily said february. and my heart sank.

my due date would have been february 24, 2019. 

little reminders of this loss + pain + grief have randomly caught me off guard and break my heart all over again - like walking by the third bedroom that was supposed to be the nursery next spring, or seeing my prenatal vitamins sitting on my desk at work, or finding the screenshot of the ultrasound picture of our sweet baby. it's getting easier, but i'm learning that i will always carry that loss with me.

i woke up an hour before my alarm was set to go off this morning. very rarely does this happen, but when it does, i know it's the Lord. i got out of bed, washed my face, and opened my bible app. after some searching, i landed on a devotional about miscarriage. the passage for day one is lamentations 3:19-24.

19 - the thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words.
20 - i will never forget this time, as i grieve over my loss.
21 - yet i still dare to hope when i remember this:
22 - the faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease.
23 - Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning. 
24 - i say to myself, "the Lord is my inheritance; therefore, i will hope in Him!" 

i have read verses 22-24 countless times, but never have i particularly noticed verses 19-21. the Lord showed me that my suffering, my grief, my loss - it's okay to feel it deeply. it's okay to mourn + cry + feel that pain. there will always be little reminders of my loss, but verse 21 is also a reminder that i can be hopeful in Him because He is faithful + merciful.