thoughts in my last month of pregnancy.

as of yesterday, i am 36 weeks!

i've been thinking back on that day alllll the way back in october when i found out i was pregnant. it seems like forever ago and just yesterday at the same time.

our little man can basically come any day now. my guess is that i will go past my due date, but ultimately it's just a waiting game. we finally found a rocker/chair and jared put the crib + changing table/dresser together this week, so the nursery is starting to come together. it was initially going to double as my office, but after thinking about, i don't want to work where the baby is sleeping.

i made a huge to-do list of everything i still need to do before baby gets here. i still have yet to pack a hospital bag. i need to order the breast pump, put the bassinet + car seat together, make a birthing/labor playlist, and several other small tasks. [by the way, i've come to the conclusion that sending out thank-you notes is just silly. i told each person thank you as i opened the gifts and probably a couple of other times, too. i just feel like this is a waste of time, but i will do it because i never sent out thank-you notes from our reception. oops!]

i also have several things left to buy. i'm not one of those people who needs eeeeevery little thing on "baby must-have lists!". i just want the bare essentials because a) we don't have a lot of extra space and b) half of the items on that list are never used or are really just wants instead of needs. once i have my work baby shower + the one my mother-in-law's work is throwing for us, then i'll sit down and decide what's left to buy that's essential. 

it's still crazy to think that in less than a month, i will have a baby. not just the birth, but actually taking him home. i'm so grateful to have jared as a support system/helpmate/husband/etc. there are other small anxieties i have that sound so silly, but hey- it is what it is. like if people just show up unannounced in those first couple weeks. or if people want to hold him and just- germs + ick. i am such a germaphobe, but i feel as though it will be magnified once he is born. i have decided to not feel bad if i ask someone to wash their hands or "don't touch!" because that motherly instinct is fierce.

i am finally getting caught up at work and getting all the last minute details sorted out with my clients and accounts. i will start working from home two weeks after i give birth. i plan to go back to work after six weeks.

i keep trying to imagine what it's going to be like when i go into labor, but truth it, however i imagine it to be isn't reality.  this experience is so different for every person, so i'm learning to take it all in these last several weeks. i have opinions thrown at me left and right, but i'm learning to smile and prayerfully make decisions that are best for our family.

there is one thing that i know for sure of motherhood though. and it is this: i know nothing. i can do all the research and planning and prepping, but it cannot fully prepare me for this insane/beautiful/crazy/hard journey i am about to experience.

until baby is born, you can find me over here saying lots of prayers and eating ice cream. :)


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