stream of consciousness: life lately

July 30, 2022

 



i was recently reading this blog post by michelle + it reminded me of the life lately posts i used to write back in the good ol' days of blogging. so here's a life update -- stream of consciousness style -- because i have a free hour before my saturday gets started.

as i am writing this post, it is cool + raining outside. after weeks of 100º weather here in kansas, it is a much welcomed relief. i am curled up in bed (my favorite writing spot) with a cup of coffee. the vibes are so reminiscent of fall - i can practically taste the pumpkin spice latte right now.

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in september, we will begin homeschooling jackson. i never, ever thought this would be our chosen method of education. i had assumed private school would be our only choice. not a lot of people know this, but last thanksgiving, jared left his job to become a stay-at-home dad. i became the sole provider of our home.

it was obviously an adjustment, but it only took us a few weeks to get acclimated to a new routine. we had a few people who were . . . confused? not unsupportive, but not necessarily supportive either. there were a lot of comments that would not have been voiced if the roles had been reversed, but that's another blog post for another day.

when i look back on the past eight months, i praise God for His provision + wisdom. it wasn't just a step or leap of faith; it was like jumping out of a plane. He has provided in ways that are not just financial. i am so grateful.

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i recently started deleting social media in the evenings each week. couple that with my social media sabbath that goes from friday afternoon to saturday afternoon -- i have been spending significantly less time on my phone. i fill that time with bible study, blogging, reading, taking walks, time with family, baking, etc.

what started as a random idea to see how (or if) my evenings would change has now morphed into a daily practice. my creative work has blossomed. i didn't even realize how much social media was hindering my creativity. 

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i don't have a good segue into this, so i'm just going to say it: we are not going to have more children. at least, not biologically. i went to a fertility doctor back in april to set up a scan/test that could tell us if there was a cause to the five miscarriages i have had over the last four years. 

four days before i needed to schedule the scan, jared + i had a long talk about it. after prayer + thinking on it for a couple days, we decided not to go ahead with any further testing. 

almost overnight, i let go of the tight grip i had on this situation. what i know to be true is this: His plan for our lives is far greater than what i think i want. i don't have an answer for the loss of our five babies; i may never know why. but He is still good. 

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life update, cliff notes version:
Jesus is where the joy is.
faith is not just the big moments, but also the day-to-day parts of life, lived out.
bake some brownies
time away from social media will always reap a harvest.
“everything is necessary that He sends; nothing could be necessary that He withholds.” [john newton] 

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