Wednesday, March 26, 2014

i choose Jesus.

as i scrolled through instagram, i was greeted with a picture of a friend and her new boyfriend, a cute pregnancy announcement, and a newly married couple on their honeymoon. double-tap, double-tap, double-tap. i laid the phone down, turned the tv off, and cried for awhile.

being single is not a disease. it does not define me or make me less than those who are married. but that doesn't mean it's easy peasy.

it seems as though i'll be stuck in this same place forever while everyone gets their happily ever after. i tell people i'm waiting on the Lord to bring me a boyfriend, but the truth is - i don't actually believe it will happen. i have faith in every area of my life except that one. i feel unworthy to be in love. the scars of past heartbreak and mistakes and more heartache are still tender after all these years. i've let careless words shape my thoughts. i've let the lies of satan convince me i'm unlovable and unworthy and tainted.  

Lord, like the father whose demon-possessed son was healed by Jesus, help my unbelief! heal the wounds of the past; bind them up with Your redeeming Love. thank you for the mercy You have poured out to me. i will praise You, no matter the circumstance, because You showed me i am worthy of Your love by sending Jesus to die on that cross for me. You showed me i am forgiven when Jesus walked out of that grave and defeated death. You showed me i am loveable because You first loved me.

i don't want to live my life looking back. i look to You and only You. there is freedom and life and forgiveness and love with You. 
despite what my life looks like or what i feel or what i don't have, whether i get married in a year or ten years or never - i choose Jesus.

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