Sunday, December 2, 2018

one teaspoon, not one cup.





  N E W  J O B  

i have been at the credit union for a little over a month now. it's so great to be back! [i previously worked at mcu for six months right after jared + i got married]. having that prior experience made the transition much easier than i expected. my co-workers are fun + helpful. and goodness, there's always food! the only drawback to my new job is the commute. traffic is always a nightmare, but next year, we are moving our headquarters (where i work) downtown, so it won't be as bad! (i initially typed something about being a working girl downtown, but that made me sound like a hooker instead of an accounting associate. ha!)


  J A C K S O N  

jackson is seventeen months. he is feisty + sweet + always on the go. we recently gave him his first haircut. he looks like a big boy, and my heart simultaneously aches + bursts when i see him now. while this age is really, really exhausting, it's also really fun. he understands a lot of what we are saying now, so when i point to things or say something, he comprehends it instead of looking at me like i have five heads. he can say nine words - mama, dada, baba (his cup), nana (bananas/my mom), papa, bubble, bible, tyler, and juice.

in the last month, jackson had croupe + then another virus two weeks later. i am fully aware that he is going to get sick, but it would help if other parents would use some common (and courteous!) sense and keep their sick children at home. i'm really thankful that my in-laws + niece don't mind watching jackson when he has a cold. there are many challenges to being a working mom, and having a sick kid is one of the top stressors. but i've made my peace with the fact that jackson is a walking germ ball, so sickness if inevitable.

i will admit though that when he was sick last week, he wanted me to hold him all evening. i happily obliged. i was watching tv and looked down to find him asleep in my arms. i don't ever want him to be sick, but my heart was bursting during that hour + a half that he was asleep on me. it reminded me of this time last year when i'd rock him to sleep after nursing. when those memories flood my memory or my FB timeline, i have to choke the tears back. i look back on that season of my life with a sort of fondness. at the time, it was hard. really, really hard. but it was still good.


  R A N D O M S  

-  i'm learning that motherhood is hard, but "hard" doesn't mean that something is wrong; it just means it's hard.

-  i made a strawberry pretzel salad for thanksgiving, and it was a hit! my MIL informed me that i am required to bring that to thanksgiving + christmas from now on. not gonna lie, i was really happy everyone liked it. i lovelovelove to bake, but i'm always nervous for other people to try my desserts. it possibly has to do with the time i was baking peanut butter cookies, and i had my mom try the batter. she made a horrid face. how much salt did you add?! we looked at the recipe and nearly fell over with laughter when we realized my mistake - it called for one teaspoon, not one cup of salt. oops. (in my defense, i was young. it's why i now triple check a recipe when it calls for a teaspoon/tablespoon/cup!). i also baked two pumpkin pies for the first time, and they turned out great. (well from what i was told - it's not my favorite dessert).

-  it seems like it has snowed a lot lately. it's not even officially winter yet, and i want to cancel winter already.

-  we watched fantastic beasts + loved it! i saw a lot of negative reviews of the movie online the next day, and i'm just overly annoyed with everyone being offended + highly critical of every stinking thing. i'm in favor of constructive criticism, but social media has convinced everyone to share every little offense or dislike.

-  i have been drinking tea in the afternoons at work, and it is a small thing, but it brings me joy.

-  we are still loving our new home. we switched jackson's bedroom + the spare bedroom for now because his bedroom was getting too cold with the door shut. i cannot wait for it to get warm again so that we can start up our evening walks again.

-  i recently have been trying new recipes. this mexican lasagna was delicious! this creamy beef pasta was not.



Friday, October 26, 2018

He goes before me.




today is my last day at my current job.

this is the part where i'm supposed to say that it's bittersweet, but that would be a lie. yes- i will miss a couple of my co-workers fiercely. but that is not a reason to stay.

for the last six months, i have felt like i was drowning. just when i thought i could breathe, another wave would come crashing in. work became this place where i was just trying to survive. i could list all the reasons why, but that's not my style. simply put, i was giving my all and then some in exchange for chump change.

when i started this job three years ago, i proudly walked in the house one night after work and declared that i was going to retire from that place. i loved my job, the clients, everything. shortly after i was hired, i received a promotion. in hindsight, that's where it all started.

when i started job hunting in late spring of this year, i had daily emails of open positions for bookkeepers, but nothing that looked promising. i started to feel hopeless. i casually mentioned this to jared a few weeks ago, and he quickly replied, "that's when a breakthrough is about to happen." little did he know just how right he was.

while at work on a saturday (ugh), jared texted me that a local credit union had just posted an opening in their accounting department. i had previously worked for the company as a bank teller, but quickly realized accounting was my first love. i applied immediately. the following monday, i received an email asking for an interview, which happened on wednesday. the next day, i was asked back for a second interview. i found that promising. at the end of the second interview, we wrapped up the questions, and they looked at me and said, "we want to hire you." WAIT WHAT.

guys. this job comes with a big pay increase plus benefits! it's huge for our family.

God was faithful to provide this job. i never lost faith- even if it was the size of a mustard seed. i asked Him when this process started to either change my heart or change my situation. He did both actually. but there's another part to this story that i need to tell. 

i put my two weeks in yesterday. the reaction was expected. i was asked that my last day be today. i agreed. i had another week before i could officially start my new job, so i wondered how that would affect our finances. nonetheless, i knew we'd be okay.

but God went before me and made a way before i even had a chance to ask. i got back to my desk and saw an email from my new employer confirming my start date. she mentioned i could start next week if need be. PRAISE HIM.


Monday, October 22, 2018

the weekly: october 15th - 21st.





  S N A P S H O T S  

-  celebratory chick-fil-a.  
-  wild + free.
-  he loves my parents' land.
-  jackson + mommy.


   M O M E N T S  +  H A P P E N I N G S    

-  i survived the tax deadline on monday + celebrated with chick-fil-a.

-  i had a prayer answered in a big way this week. i can't say anything just yet [not pregnant] but it is huge for our family!

-  we took a short overnight trip to oklahoma to visit my family. jackson had a blast running around my parents' property and soaked up all the attention.



   L E S S O N S   +  R E A L I Z A T I O N S   

-  i was telling jared how stuck i felt in a certain area of my life. he told me that meant the breakthrough was about to happen. he had no idea just how right he was! if you're feeling stick, like there's no hope of your situation changing, i'm confident that God will either change our hearts or change our circumstances.

-  there is something about going back to oklahoma that resets my soul.  



  P R E V I O U S L Y  on  W I L D B L O O M  


+  2017:  three things you need to know (this is when #notpolethursdays started!)
+  2016:  tidbits of life
+  2014:  life lately
+  2013:  a happy list  //  DIY fall pumpkins




Monday, October 15, 2018

pregnancy + infant loss remembrance day.




in the late eighties, president ronald reagan proclaimed the month of october as national pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. in the mid-2000s, october 15th became pregnancy and infant loss remembrance day. if you've experience this type of loss, you don't need a day to be reminded of such a thing. the loss is forever woven into my life, and i will never, ever forget.

three months later, there are still little reminders of our baby. we would have found out the gender of our baby this month. i found my maternity leggings while i was unpacking last month. knowing my arms will be empty come next spring. and several other reminders that come out of nowhere and sting all over again. i assumed they would fade over time, but i know now that i will always carry it with me.

when i'm ready, i will give our baby a name. not for closure- that will never happen- but because there was a life growing inside of me, if only for nine weeks. naming the baby acknowledges that short life. and though that life never lived outside of my womb, it was still a life.

i remember growing up and knowing that my mom had experienced a miscarriage before she had my brother + i. her loss, that pain - it never truly became real until the moment i called her to tell her that i had miscarried my own baby. she wept with me over the phone and told me how it brought up the painful memory all over again. it's something she's carried with her for over three decades. i know i will, too.

the only comfort in this process has been Jesus. He will be the only comfort going forward. if you have experienced a loss, know that you are not alone. the Great Comforter is holding you in His arms. He provides peace that surpasses all understanding

the weekly: october 8th - 14th.





  S N A P S H O T S  

-  saw these pretties on my evening walk.  
-  slow mornings with a sweet cuddle bug.
-  he's growing so fast.
-  sunset.



   M O M E N T S  +  H A P P E N I N G S    

-  i made a cleaning spray with my thieves sample that came with my YL starter kit. i was skeptical of it, to be honest. but - yet again - it surprised me. the top of our stove is sparkling clean now! i also cleaned our bathroom with it, too.

-  jared worked a split shift on thursday and friday, which meant we got to drink coffee together before i left for work.

-  the october deadline for taxes is next week, so i was insanely busy at work this week. i clocked in several hours on saturday to help out. it reminded me that in a few months, i'll be working sixty hours each week during tax season, and... dang- that got depressing real quick.

-  it snowed on sunday night. in october. what the heck?!



   L E S S O N S   +  R E A L I Z A T I O N S   

-  jared + i were reflecting on how jackson is growing so fast. we thought of the times we would wish for the next season, the next milestone - only to miss the current phase once it was gone. 

-  i have really enjoyed finding new recipes to make for dinner during the week!

-  i picked jackson up on thursday because of jared's shift, and it reminded me of when i did that every work day during second shift.  



  P R E V I O U S L Y  on  W I L D B L O O M  


+  2017:  powersheets check-in Q2 + Q3  //  currently: october
+  2016:  coffee date
+  2014:  iphoneography
+  2013:  tidbits of life  //  instagram


Monday, October 8, 2018

the weekly: october 1st - 7th.





  S N A P S H O T S  

-  breakfast at one of our favorite local spots.   
-  my pumpkin.
-  i love those two. 
-  hello, october.



   M O M E N T S  +  H A P P E N I N G S    

-  jackson can now climb on the couch, so that's fun.

-  the boys + i had breakfast at the reverie on friday morning.

-  we took jackson to the pumpkin patch on saturday. it was chilly outside, and we had a blast!

-  i finished the book, i'd rather be reading. so delightful + nostalgic.

-  jared + i had a sushi date followed by grocery shopping. i know, i know- our saturday nights are so wild.

-  i randomly bought some perfect bars at the grocery store, and good grief- they are SO good.

-  movies watched:  hotel transylvania. (5/5)  //  the darkest minds. (3/5)  //  the new purge movie. (3/5)   




   L E S S O N S   +  R E A L I Z A T I O N S   

-  follow the arrows. i'm often so focused on getting answers that i miss the arrows that are pointing me in the direction i should go.

-  we celebrated the life of jared's grandma on friday. the service was beautiful. what i gleaned the most is- when we get together for family functions (birthdays, holidays, etc.)- it matters to someone. the memories shared of grandma fern were mostly from when everyone got together, even if it was just for a game of scrabble. these moments matter. i want to be more intentional with those times with the people i love because it matters to someone.

-  i was feeling very discouraged about my little side business this week. when people are snarky about things i love, i feel strongly about it. but- people are entitled to their own opinions, as am i. and then i had someone tell me that the oils i gave them have helped them tremendously, and that was all i needed to kick the negativity. 



  P R E V I O U S L Y  on  W I L D B L O O M  


+  2016:  a happy list from today  //  luke's diner  //  friday favs
+  2013:  what teaching sunday school has taught me  //  currently



Friday, October 5, 2018

friday links.




+  i made abby's taco soup this week, and it's my new favorite recipe. the flavors are just divine.

+  two years ago today, i left the house before the sun came up to have a latte at luke's diner

+  michelle shared a list of 2018's most frightening halloween costumes. I'M DEAD.

+  i'm thinking about getting this diffuser for jackson's bedroom.

+  i binged the dr. death podcast recently. if you are a fan of dirty john, listen to this!




Monday, October 1, 2018

the weekly: september 24th - 30th.





  S N A P S H O T S  

-  saturday planning.   
-  my new oils!
-  good grief, he's cute. 
-  a kid-free lunch + grocery shopping on sunday.



   M O M E N T S  +  H A P P E N I N G S    

-  jackson loves playing with the bubbles in the bathtub. he now says "buba" for bubbles.

-  jared's grandma went to be with Jesus this week. we are sad, but we know she is whole + healed now.

-  the new season of the blacklist is on netflix, so i've been getting less sleep.

-  jared really wanted to go to the renaissance fair. i did not. but it ended up being somewhat fun.

-  we walked around the mall on friday night with my sister-in-law + her family. so simple, but so fun.  




   L E S S O N S   +  R E A L I Z A T I O N S   

-  "hold plans with open hands instead of closed fists"  emily p. freeman

-  we have the best support system. i already knew this, but i'm so grateful for our families.

-  i've had a lot of anxiety about starting my oils business. i was always super skeptical about them. i thought they were kinda woo-woo. and then i started using lavender after my miscarriage, and my mind slowly started to change. i finally bought the starter kit (after weeks of deciding if it was worth it) and quickly realized why they are beloved by others. i debated the business until jared told me that he noticed a difference in his sleep since i'd been applying a sleep blend. that was all it took for me to dive head-first. i might fail, but at least i tried!



  P R E V I O U S L Y  on  W I L D B L O O M  

+  2017:  three things you need to know.
+  2016:  tidbits of life  //  friday favorites  //  a month in review
+  2014:  fall to-do list  //  a month in review


Friday, September 28, 2018

currently // september 2018.




creating:  goals for october with my powersheets
cooking:  a lot lately. i'm not making extravagant meals, but i'm enjoying trying new things. i recently baked scones!
drinking:  lots of water + coffee. always coffee.
snacking:  trail mix. sweet potato chips. coconut milk caramel bites.
reading:   i'd rather be reading - anne bogel  +  educated - tara westover.     
listening:  struggle well project podcast  +  lauren daigle's new album because it's so dang good. 
watching:  the blacklist. this is us. fall tv is here!
wishing:  to quit my job + work from home. maybe open a small photography business + have another side gig.    
anticipating:  the weekend. this was a loooooong week.      
enjoying:  our home. it's just so wonderful.      
wondering:  if i should start selling oils. who even am i, you guys???
loving:  the cool, fall weather.  
hoping:  for the best. i'm taking steps for our future. they might not pan out, but that's okay.   
marveling:  at what the Lord has been doing in my life the past two weeks.    
needing:  a vacation. i don't necessarily need to go anywhere. just a week away from work will do. 
learning:  "hold plans with open hands instead of closed fists" emily p. freeman.
smelling:  stress away + lavender. [if you're curious about oils, follow along here.]
wearing:  these new shoes i got from target! they're so dang cute.
bookmarking:  blogging ideas.  
giggling:  at my crazy baby. sometimes he dances so hard that he falls down, and it's the best.   
feeling:  all the feels. happy. excited. nervous. anxious. but i think it's all positive, if that makes sense.

making me happy:  slow, rainy saturday mornings. hugs from jackson. coffee [always]. new dinosaur socks. fun conversation with another mom at target. maple donuts. writing + worship music. cozied up on the couch with a good book. a rainy week with perfect fall weather.

Monday, September 24, 2018

the weekly: sept 17 - sept 23.





  S N A P S H O T S  

-  fall is here!  
-  i just love him.
-  diffusing oils for my sickly baby. 
-  i've heard so many good things about this book.



   M O M E N T S  +  H A P P E N I N G S    

-  i bought my first cookbook. i needed something with simple recipes, and this seems like the perfect fit for now!

-  i got my young living starter kit in the mail! i also started a little insta account to learn + connect with other oily friends.

-  i received a jury duty summons. it's my first, and i think it's exciting. 

-  i took the day off on friday to go shopping with my mama! it was just like old times + exactly what i needed.

-  we ventured out to el dorado to camp on friday night. the weather - you guys - it was perfect.




   L E S S O N S   +  R E A L I Z A T I O N S   

-  He is near in our brokenness. during worship on wednesday night, i had an amazing moment. i can't quite describe it, but i won't forget it. ever. i've been struggling with a lot lately, and He covered me with His love.

-  on sunday, we woke up with a sickly baby. it made my mama heart so sad, but i wasn't mad about the extra cuddles.



  P R E V I O U S L Y  on  W I L D B L O O M  

+  2016:  friday favs  |  the best cookies ever  |  fall favorites  |  if i were a flavor of ice cream  |  a happy list  |  WB favs
+  2015:  currently: september.
+  2014:  a day in the life
+  2013:  the coming of fall  |  currently  |  a happy list

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

raising the white flag.


as i cooked dinner, jackson sat at my feet- pots + pans scattered all over the kitchen floor. he mimicked me as i stirred the food. i smiled + thought back to this time one year ago. smiling didn't come easy because of the constant state of anxiety that plagued my everyday life.

i questioned everything i did in regards to my mothering abilities. i was drowning in worry + self-doubt. jared kept gently reminding me that i was doing the absolute best i could do and offer our son. he was right, yet the negative thoughts outweighed the positive every single time.

one year later, i think back to that season. that new mom. i wish, oh how i wish, i could cradle her face in my hands and tell her, YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB. [no doubt i'd have tears in my eyes because i do just typing it.] i'd tell her to stop comparing herself to others around her and moms she sees on the internet because their perfect instagram squares don't tell the whole story.

comparison was my nemesis. from jackson's birth to breastfeeding to his sleep habits to everything in between. it consumed me. google is one of the worst things for a new mom. i once read a comment section [whyyyy did i do that?!] where another mom wrote, "breastfeeding is the most natural thing a woman can do. it was the way God intended it." well susan, i'm pretty certain God intended for us to be kind + compassionate to other moms + not judgmental d-bags.

our abilities as mothers don't hinge on how another mother raises her kids. we've convinced ourselves that the beliefs of other moms are absolute, even if they aren't in any way possible because of circumstance, lifestyle, etc.

mama friends, here me on this. stop spending so much time comparing and justifying your child-rearing choices to strangers on the internet, to the neighbor across the street, to the way so-and-so does it, to everyone with a differing opinion. your child is just that - YOURS. if you're making informed decisions regarding your child and their well-being, YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB.

so this is me raising the white flag to all the moms out there.

whether you breastfeed or formula feed or do both.
whether you vaccinate or you choose not to.
whether you stay home or work from home or go to a job outside the home.
whether you have one child, two children, three or twelve.
whether you use regular diapers or cloth diapers.
whether you co-sleep or your child has yet to sleep through the night or both.
whether you dress your kid in nothing but name brand clothes or it's alllll hand-me-downs.
whether you feed your kids only organic foods or you don't care about organic food.
whether you homeschool or send your kids to public school or pay for private school.

let's repeat this together: GOOD FOR HER; NOT FOR ME. [thanks to amy poehler for this phrase!]

you are in no way 'less than' because someone loudly proclaims a specific method that is different from yours as the "best" way. just because they're loud doesn't mean they're right. mothering differently than others doesn't mean you're doing it wrong.

again for the people in the back: MOTHERING DIFFERENTLY THAN OTHERS DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.





Monday, September 17, 2018

the weekly: september 10th - september 16th.





  S N A P S H O T S  

-  puffy clouds make me happy.  
-  my boys.
-  an imperfect photo, but i still love it.
-  fall mums.



   M O M E N T S  +  H A P P E N I N G S    

-  i came home TWICE this week to a fully-cooked meal. jared bought a new grill, and i'm reaping the benefits, y'all.

-  i took my nieces + jackson to the mall. i was "that mom" whose kid was screaming veeeeery loudly as i carried him outside because homeboy just wanted to run around and be free. it was humbling + slightly hilarious.

-  i started participating in the #10thingstotellyou challenge on instagram.

-  i ordered a starter kit from young living. i promise i'm not going to be annoying about it, guys.




   L E S S O N S   +  R E A L I Z A T I O N S   

-  there's a difference in knowing who God is and actually knowing Him.

five tv shows that sum up my personality + who i am.

-  cooking dinner is so much better when you plan out meals + have all the ingredients! HA. i am on week two of meal planning, and it is going great. [this is not to be confused to meal prep. my sunday afternoons are for naps.]



Monday, September 10, 2018

the weekly: sept 3rd - sept 9th.





  S N A P S H O T S  

-  reading anne bogel's new book, i'd rather be reading.  
-  that kid loves playing outside!
-  saturday mornings.
-  coffee + dino.



   M O M E N T S  +  H A P P E N I N G S    

-  labor day was spent quietly at home, which was very welcomed after such a whirlwind summer.

-  i had an hour + a half before an appointment one morning, and i spent every minute browsing target + drinking a latte. it was BLISSFUL.

-  once jackson started walking, he has been non-stop on the move. he has no time to cuddle with mommy. i left for work on friday morning and asked him for a hug. he usually runs away laughing because he knows i'll come chasing after him. but this time, he walked up to me with arms open and gave me a hug. my heart could have burst out of my chest.

-  we usually have no trouble putting jackson to bed at night, but saturday night was out of the norm. he was crying and crying, so i gave it five minutes, and finally went in to check on him. i picked him up and sat in the rocker for about ten minutes just holding my baby boy. i cried some happy tears because - as i said before - i never, ever get to cuddle with him anymore. jared peaked in to see what was going on, and he smiled really big and knew that it was exactly what i needed.

-  jared + i had the perfect sunday afternoon. we lounged outside, sipped coffee, and enjoyed the incredible weather. once jackson woke up, he played and we took him to the park. we ended the day with a game night with friends. our sundays are usually so hectic, and this was just what my soul needed.




   L E S S O N S   +  R E A L I Z A T I O N S   

-  i loathe grocery shopping because i always, always forget something. [yes, even when i make a list, there's always something.] but this week, i was determined to change that. and i did! what i found most helpful was putting pen to paper + writing out a meal plan for the week. 

-  i have never read a book twice, and that's okay. there are too many books on my TBR list

-  i took anne bogel's reading personality quiz. i tested as "the escapist" + that is very accurate of my reading life.

-  our childcare situation changed this week. real talk: i could not see how God was going to work it out. jared was so positive, and i just wanted to wallow in myself. we received the news right before church started, and i sat through the entire service feeling sorry for myself + telling God there was no way this would work out. i was so caught up in the circumstance that i couldn't remember all the times He HAS provided. and guess what? by the end of the service, He DID provide. jared's parents start watching jack next week. not only was it an answered prayer for us, but it was for them. they're retired and could definitely use the extra cash. God saw my distrust and still made a way. i don't deserve His kindness, but He has really been doing a refining work on my heart as of late. this song has constantly been playing.



  P R E V I O U S L Y  on  W I L D B L O O M  

+  2017-  coming back to me  //  dairy-free diet  //  day date in OKC 
+  2016-  summer favorites  //  currently  //  most memorable birthday  //  labor day recap  //  joyful things  //  odd traits
+  2015-  colorado springs trip
+  2014-  when i grow up  //  fashion trends  //  passion  //  currently  //  reading list  //  music  //  INFJ
+  2013-  when true love doesn't wait  //  falling into autumn  //  thirty-two  //  tidbits of life 
+  2012-  over the weekend  



Sunday, September 2, 2018

the weekly: august 27th - september 2nd.




  S N A P S H O T S  

-  banana birthday cupcake.  
-  saturday morning planning.
-  jackson loves his new bedroom.
-  started reading a new book.



   M O M E N T S  +  H A P P E N I N G S    

-  i was organizing our bedroom while jared was watching jackson in the living room. or so i thought. i walked into the bathroom to find jackson covered in water. IN TOILET WATER.

-  i caught a lovely summer cold mid-week. dayquil has been my best friend.

-  i finished reading theeeeee cutest book - since you've been gone.

-  celebrated thirty-two with banana cupcakes, date night, + lots of love from my people.

-  had a game night with our neighbors/family.




   L E S S O N S   +  R E A L I Z A T I O N S   

-  part one: our son thinks playing in toilet water is a good time. part two: make sure the bathroom door is always closed.

-  banana cupcakes are so delightful + i have the best co-worker who surprised me with my favorite dessert!

-  it's unofficially officially fall in my opinion.



  P R E V I O U S L Y  on  W I L D B L O O M  

+  2017:  august: a month in review.
+  2016:  farewell to my twenties.  blogtember: day one.  blogtember: day two.  august 2016.
+  2014:  on setting goals.  september goals.  blogtember: day one.  blogtember: day two.  august 2014.
+  2013:  twenty-seven.  twenty-seventh birthday celebration.  don't quote me on that.  a happy list.



Monday, August 27, 2018

the weekly: august 20th - 26th.




  S N A P S H O T S  

-  saturday mornings are my favorite. 
-  while unpacking, i found my grandma gracie's bible.
-  salted cream cold foam cold brew. it's legit, y'all.
-  i might be in love with our new appliances.



   M O M E N T S  +  H A P P E N I N G S    

-  jared finished up the trim work, and i am alllllmost finished unpacking the last few boxes!   

-  i made dinner while jackson played in the next room. these little moments are so delightful.

-  i worked late one night and didn't get home until 8:30. jackson greeted me with a huge smile, and i melted.

-  finished glass sword on audiobook. i'm just not very into this series like i thought i'd be.  

-  we had zero plans on friday night, and it was GLORIOUS.

-  my family came up on saturday. we celebrated my birthday early with shopping + dinner at rib crib.




   L E S S O N S   +  R E A L I Z A T I O N S   

-  sometimes i need to lay aside my pride (okay, all the time) and get the job done. i have been stubborn about some things at work, and it's benefiting no one- myself included.

-  i tried new shampoo + conditioner recently, but switched back to my favorites. i have never loved a shampoo scent more!  

-  i am an enneagram TWO. i have taken the free test more than five times, and i felt like i was getting mixed results, but the i realized that type two was always first or second on the list. i've been deep-diving all things enneagram, and it's fascinating. [does this mean i'm a true millennial now?] 

-  in case you're wondering my myers-briggs type, i'm an INFJ. it's supposedly only makes up 2% of the population, but a majority of my blogging friends are INFJs.

-  as great as personality tests are, they don't define me. i won't use them as a crutch for poor behavior. -but- it is fun to explore and use as a tool to better understand someone.

-  make sure to pick up any rogue toys because jared may trip over one as he's leaving for work at 4:30 in the morning, causing oneself to run through the house whisper-yelling BABE, BABE. what did i think i was going to accomplish by calling an intruder babe?

-  i was just about to give up on these weekly posts when i realized that i have come to loathe the monthly recaps. i always forget to update the post weekly so that i'm not sitting with a blank page on the last day of the month- when it dawned on me: why not just write a weekly recap? having my new agendio planner really helps because i use it as a planner/journal/memory keeper/catch-all.

i reflected on the year jared worked second shift



  P R E V I O U S L Y  on  W I L D B L O O M  

+  2017 - photos from my maternity leave  [i remember writing this post at work because i was trying to distract myself.]
+  2016 - coffee date  [other coffee dates on the blog.]   
+  2014 - exploring freedom [still the best chai ever!] +  your suffering is over [one of WILDBLOOM's most popular posts!]
+  2013 - iphoneography  [dang, i miss this series on the blog.]


Saturday, August 25, 2018

choices + transitions.




jared sent a text earlier this week letting me know that he had a meeting with his bosses, and it was possibly about transferring back to second shift.

my heart sank.

i felt a surge of worry start to build up in my mind, but i quickly reminded myself of truth. it got me thinking about when jared was on second shift for a little over a year.

he started when i was six months pregnant. i had no chill about it because hormones + bringing a new baby into the world + you know, major life changes all at once. i cried for weeks while jared kept reassuring me it would all be okay. i finally decided a couple weeks before he transferred that the only thing about the situation that could change was my attitude. i decided to take my lemons + make lemonade. [actually- i just ate lots of braum's chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.]

the first few months when jared was on second shift weren't too bad. i spent the evenings nesting and binging parks + rec. i'd go grocery shopping on monday nights by myself, which was oddly glorious. once a week, i would take him dinner, and we would eat in the parking lot at his work.

looking back at those weekly parking lot dates, i realize how important they were. the hardest part of second shift for us was the lack of quality time together. on a good day, we saw each other for a total of an hour. but on the bright side, effort was made on both sides. he woke up before i left for work to make me a cup of coffee; i stayed up to chat while he got ready for bed. when he had the night off, we would go on dates or hang out with friends.

after jackson was born, we sold our house + bought another one. maternity leave was definitely not this relaxing time off i had envisioned before having a baby. [how naive i was!] most of the time, jared was working on the new house, and i was just trying to keep my head above water. once we both started back to work, it was so, so different than before jackson.

this might sound crazy given my initial reaction of jared's transfer, but second shift was easier after jackson was born. maybe it was because i had someone to take care of + keep me company while jared was at work. or maybe having those two months of evenings to myself prepared me for what was to come. whatever the reason, i was surprised at how much i liked it.

our park city home was a season of transition for us. it saw us through so much growth. i don't think it was a coincidence that jared was finally transferred back to first shift when we decided to sell that house. i realized it served it purpose for us when we signed the papers at closing and saw that we made a little money in the process.

jared texted me right after his meeting - no transfer. i was relieved. had it become our reality, we would have been okay. but i reeeeally love coming home after work, walking in the door, and seeing jared + jackson playing together on the floor.

Monday, August 20, 2018

the weekly: august 13th - 19th.




  S N A P S H O T S  
-  saturday mornings are becoming my favorite.
-  peek-a-boo.
-  unpacking with the help of jackson.
-  sunday planning.


  D A I L I E S  
-  MONDAY:  began packing up some of our things + started a new audiobook.
-  TUESDAY:  WE FINALLY MOVED INTO OUR HOUSE. CRYING ALL THE HAPPY TEARS.
-  WEDNESDAY:  my favorite podcast mentioned my listener confession on today's episode.
-  THURSDAY:  my niece + i had a photoshoot at a sunflower field + i almost died from excitement. 
-  FRIDAY:  i finally got my new agendio planner in the mail! it's the little things, y'all.
-  SATURDAY:  lots of unpacking + ended the day with a birthday party at the splash pad.
-  SUNDAY:  spent the afternoon cozied up, planning the week, + drinking tea.


  P R E V I O U S L Y  on  W I L D B L O O M  
always a good reminder.
2015 was a fun summer.
+  a fun blogging series:  blogging: year one  //  how i got started  //  blogging resources 
+  one of my most popular posts:  26 before 27.



Monday, August 13, 2018

the weekly: august 6th - august 12th.





  S N A P S H O T S  
-  jackson loves to read. and by "read" - i mean he likes to flip through every page really fast.
-  shopping on saturday morning for house supplies.
-  my coffee mug matched my socks.
-  we moved some furniture into our house!!!!! [not sorry for those excessive exclamation points]


  D A I L I E S  
-  MONDAY:  jackson loves to go shopping with mama. he waves at everyone and says hhiiii.
-  TUESDAY:  finally getting caught up at work. a lot of stress was lifted when i started reminding myself of truths.
-  WEDNESDAY:  i started listening to my first audiobook, big little lies. it's free with my state library e-card!
-  THURSDAY:  jackson + i played all evening while daddy worked on the house.
-  FRIDAY:  spent the evening painting + listening to an audiobook.
-  SATURDAY:  we worked on the house most of the day. it was a really good day.
-  SUNDAY: church + house shopping. we bought a washer + dryer! i love doing laundry. [i know, i know.]


  P R E V I O U S L Y  on  W I L D B L O O M  
+  i remember writing this post last summer while jared fixed a broken toilet at 11pm.
+  five year later and half of these have changed.
+  LOL to when i used to post my monthly goals on the blog.
+  i still love my city!



Friday, August 10, 2018

seven random facts about me.




+  i absolutely, weirdly LOVE vacuuming. i would vacuum every single day if i could.

+  i'm ride or die for the oxford comma.

+  i placed third in my fifth grade science fair. my project was color changing roses.

+  i am the worst gift wrapper.

+  puns, dad jokes, + sarcasm are my jam.

+  i always wait to pack until the last minute. like literally- the day of jackson's birth, i packed my hospital bag.

+  i used to silently judge people who used e-readers. and then i had a baby. now i'm a proud kindle owner.




Monday, August 6, 2018

the weekly: july 30th - august 5th.





  S N A P S H O T S  
-  this kid loves evening walks. i play worship music + walk around the neighborhood before his bedtime.
-  YOU GUYS. run to walmart right now and buy this cookie butter.  
-  we have received sweet little 'thinking of you' gifts from friends lately.
-  dessert from my mother-in-law.


  D A I L I E S  
-  MONDAY was my first day back to work. it was hard, but i did it.
-  i spent TUESDAY night painting over at the house.
-  i started reading "why i hate green beans" on WEDNESDAY.
-  jackson + i enjoyed a peaceful evening on THURSDAY with a walk + extra snacks.
-  i had a rough day at work on FRIDAY, but it ended well with strawberry shortcake.
-  SATURDAY was so glorious. i did housework + hung out with jackson all day.
-  we worked on the house for a couple hours on SUNDAY while jack napped.


  P R E V I O U S L Y  on  W I L D B L O O M  
+  i am considering another polaroid project for next year. here is the 2014 polaroid project.
+  i shared my bullet journal two years ago on the blog. i recently purchased an agendio planner. i'm SO excited!
+  i recently went back through every single blog post and updated old content + broken links and stumbled across this post. i'd like to post a recap of each week, but i'm also realistic and know it may not happen. but for now, i really enjoy this old way of blogging! i am so inspired after reading through all of my old posts. [and a little embarrassed at some things i wrote. haha!]

Thursday, August 2, 2018

little reminders.




i was listening to a podcast about miscarriage yesterday. i wasn't sure if i could make it through the episode without breaking down, but i figured all i had to do was hit stop if it became too much. a half hour later, i finished it having not shed one tear.

later in the day, i listed to another podcast about knowing when to have more children and when to stop. two of the ladies announced their pregnancies during the episode. when asked their due dates, one happily said february. and my heart sank.

my due date would have been february 24, 2019. 

little reminders of this loss + pain + grief have randomly caught me off guard and break my heart all over again - like walking by the third bedroom that was supposed to be the nursery next spring, or seeing my prenatal vitamins sitting on my desk at work, or finding the screenshot of the ultrasound picture of our sweet baby. it's getting easier, but i'm learning that i will always carry that loss with me.

i woke up an hour before my alarm was set to go off this morning. very rarely does this happen, but when it does, i know it's the Lord. i got out of bed, washed my face, and opened my bible app. after some searching, i landed on a devotional about miscarriage. the passage for day one is lamentations 3:19-24.

19 - the thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words.
20 - i will never forget this time, as i grieve over my loss.
21 - yet i still dare to hope when i remember this:
22 - the faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease.
23 - Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning. 
24 - i say to myself, "the Lord is my inheritance; therefore, i will hope in Him!" 

i have read verses 22-24 countless times, but never have i particularly noticed verses 19-21. the Lord showed me that my suffering, my grief, my loss - it's okay to feel it deeply. it's okay to mourn + cry + feel that pain. there will always be little reminders of my loss, but verse 21 is also a reminder that i can be hopeful in Him because He is faithful + merciful.



Tuesday, July 31, 2018

JULY 2018.




  H A P P E N I N G S 

-  i took my nieces + jackson to the new library downtown, and he LOVED it!

-  we didn't have childcare one day, so i took the day off with jackson. jared, jackson, myself, my sister-in-law, and her family went to the zoo that evening, and it was so fun watching how enamored jackson was with the animals.

-  we celebrated the fourth of july at the lake. we camped with family + spent the morning on my brother-in-law's boat.

-  i started watching white collar, and i can't stop.

we lost our sweet baby this month. i am doing okay. i'll be honest in saying that having jackson helps because if not, i'd just want to stay in bed a lot. but i find great comfort in the Lord. He has been tender with me during this whole thing.



  R E A L I Z A T I O N S 

-  if there's one thing i've learned in motherhood (which of course there's more than one; like 792 things), it's that i have to make time for the things i love. at the beginning of the year, i set out to read 12 books. i quickly realized how much i've missed reading over the past couple years, and i immersed myself in reading once jackson was in bed for the night. so far this year, i surpassed my goal and finished my 14th book!

-  taking a walk is therapeutic.  

-  mcdonald's cold brew frozen coffee is actually really, really good. especially at two in the morning when you're driving around with your husband, desperately trying to get your son to go back to sleep.

- WHY IS CHOOSING A PAINT COLOR SO DANG STRESSFUL?

-  i found five different journals with about ten pages of writing/lists/thoughts. i'm starting to wonder if i will ever be able to fill one journal in my lifetime.




Monday, July 30, 2018

the weekly.




  S N A P S H O T S  
-  these cuddles don't happen often. i think jack knew mama was sad.
-  jared + i ate dinner on the patio because the weather was actually decent.
-  ice cream + double chocolate muffins.
-  so much progress on our home renovation.


  D A I L I E S  
-  MONDAY was one of the hardest days of my life.
-  i spent most of TUESDAY in bed binging netflix, just wishing the day away.
-  WEDNESDAY was more relaxing + taking it easy.
-  i ventured out of the house on THURSDAY and cried a lot, but it was good for me.
-  my niece + i went shopping on FRIDAY.
-  my family came to visit on SATURDAY.
-  on SUNDAY, we started painting the house. we are getting close!


  L I N K S  
+  i found my old blog from years ago. if you want a good laugh, go read some of the posts.
+  my sister-in-law recently launched her product on amazon.
+  i've been pinning a lot recently. [renovating a home = stalking pinterest + joanna gaines]





Tuesday, July 24, 2018

grief.




there was no heartbeat.

it took us a couple seconds to process what our doctor had just said. not ten minutes before, i had showed jared the ultrasound pictures from my scan earlier that morning.

up until that horrific moment, i had no inclination or physical signs that anything was wrong with our baby. at nine weeks and one day, i knew we were close to being out of that danger zone. i didn't think twice when the ultrasound tech didn't listen for the heartbeat. with jackson, i heard his at seven weeks, but i was too wrapped up in seeing our unborn baby on the monitor. we did not plan to get pregnant so soon, but the shock of it all was finally starting to wear off.

i joked with the tech, "there's only one, right?" she indicated so, never letting on that our baby was actually already in heaven with Jesus.

we sat in the room with our doctor and cried for awhile. despite having received such tragic news, i was also trying to corral a restless one-year-old. i still had to be his mama in that moment. it was a juxtaposition of sorts.

the rest of the evening was a numb blur. waves of grief hit jared + i sporadically. like when i grabbed my phone out of my purse, glancing at the CD of sonogram pictures the ultrasound tech gave me that morning. how cruel, i thought to myself. but she couldn't legally say anything. or how the notification on my pregnancy app was cheerfully reminding me of some random information about the baby. i turned them off because it was yet another painful reminder.

i miscarried today. as i'm writing this. right now. and it's . . . words don't come as freely as the tears do currently.

the support we have received has been overwhelming. our people have loved us so fiercely in the past twenty-four hours. nothing makes this easier, but having others around to grieve with us helps.

in all this, i am not mad at God. i don't blame Him. because what i know to be true about Him is this: He is still good. He is right here with us in this process of healing + moving ahead. He will make something beautiful from the ashes, even if i don't see it this side of heaven.


Monday, July 2, 2018

jackson's first birthday party.










we celebrated jackson's first year over the weekend! since our home is being renovated, we hosted the party at moxie junction in maize. it's a coffee shop, which may sound strange for a one year old's birthday party, but here's my thinking: jackson didn't have any idea what was going on or where he was, so why not make it fun for those of us who are there? a coffee shop sounded like the perfect spot. everyone got free coffee + chatted thoughout the party, so it was a genius plan.

the party was wonderful, but no one told me how stressed i would be trying to get everything ready and entertaining everyone and how i would only be able to finally breathe + relax when i got home later that evening. haha! but it was still a great party with family + a few close friends.


JUNE TWENTY-EIGHTEEN.





▹  reading:  i finished the perfect mother a couple days ago. i give it a solid four stars.    

▹  watching:  season two of riverdale. judge me allll you want. i've already judged myself.

▹  listening:  what should i read next?  |  the popcast  |  in the dark     

▹  drinking: coffee + water. always + forever.

▹  planning:  our home renovation.  

▹  craving:  a chocolate milkshake.

▹  learning:  that social media can be loud + i don't have to be part of it just because everyone else is.

  enjoying:  evening walks. i'd rather not be sweating profusely, but i'll take it over winter any day.

▹  thinking:  about how crazy this season of our lives are. we are thankful in the middle of the chaos. 

▹  making me happy:  the joy of dogs when they're riding in a car with their heads hanging out of the window. pausing to marvel a stunning sunset. night swimming under the stars. black nail polish. baby giggles. ending the day with a good book. wildflowers.



JUNE RECAP



LESSONS:

-  motherhood is a big realization of all the things my parents did for me when i was a kid.

-  without fail- all the books i put on hold at the library come in at the same time. every. single. time.

this episode of annie f. downs' podcast changed me. it is so, so good.

-  i really wanted to quit jackson's monthly pictures at one point, but i'm really happy i stuck with it. 


 
HAPPENINGS:

-  we sold our house in park city.

camped in oklahoma for a few days to celebrate jared's birthday.

-  the renovation of our new (to us) home began. 

-  watched the hans solo movie. [3 stars]

-  my niece started a new blog! we are living with her + her family, so it's fun to talk about our blogs.

-  celebrated jackson's first birthday!